PRETTY down..  some bad things in my life have formed a coalition and struck
me hard only to kick my in the balls when I am on the floor. Spending my tme
staring at the walls listening to sad music. Gnn how I hate these moments in
my life when I get as near to the abyss of my soul as I can without falling
into the deep dark. Prolly flying to Helsinki next week tuesday. A new fucking
rocking friend Danefl offered to host me after everything else failed. Well
there I am listening to formerly long forgotten bands from stages ages ago in
my life like Queensryche and Dream Theater. Maybe this sadness in me is the
price I have to pay for my talent to make others feel comfortable while
talking with me. I only wish I could make myself feel comfortable as well.
Sometimes I just wish for a tiny tiny bit happiness without something bad
happening in the same instant as well. Also fell lotsa places on the
friendsplaque and last time I checked I was 'only' on 10th place. GNNNNNN I
wish someone would come and kick me in my ass instead of my face and tell me
to get going. If I could only understand what's going on in my mind. Moments
like this are the ones that make me fear whether I might turn crazy .. or then
again whether this world is turning crazy and I am the only sane person left.
My life is a fucking soap opera... I could prolly write a book about it and
get more money than J.K. Rowling hm but then again who would like to read such
a stupid sad story. AAAAAAAAAAAAAAARGH. My sleeping rhythm is totally fucked
up as well and i just try to stay awake till I fall down uncon as I am afraid
of the thoughts coming to me while I lie in bed. Work in 2 h and I am SO not
motivated... and a party of a friend afterwards... Everyone deserves some
happiness!