Mortal Troubles
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We begin in blackness. Everything is quiet.
Suddenly a cone of light shoots onto the stage, and in that spotlight stands a
figure dressed in deep indigo robes trimmed with cream and gold.

Anatea the Bard bows deeply.
Anatea says 'Welcome, one and all, lizardman and kobold alike. Be welcome!'
Anatea says 'Tonight's story is called "Mortal Troubles".'
Anatea says 'It takes place in the underbelly of the city of Arelium, where no
mortal has ever stepped foot.'
Anatea says 'Behind the fantasy facade where the NPCs we know and love go to
spend their precious time off.'
Anatea says 'Where drunken wizards end up in the wee hours when all but the
seediest bars have closed down for the night...'

The light goes out, and darkness greets you once again.
Slowly the curtain rises and a wall of fog rolls out, billowing and settling
in the corners of the room.
A flickering yellow streetlight comes on. It's the middle of the night.
Three figures are conversing on a street corner outside of what seems to be a
bar.
A glaring, pink neon sign announces the name of the establishment to be 'The
Whining Mortal', a favorite among some of the not-mortals of the realm.

You pick up on the conversation. Morden the Shadowman is catching up with his
buddies Z'ragore and Zedek.
Morden says 'I've been trying out some of that mindfulness stuff. Being
present in the moment, you know?'
Morden says 'But it just gets so lonely sometimes, man... Months on end and
nobody comes to visit.'
Zedek says 'It's because you're a disinter, nobody wants to risk losing their
eq.'
Zedek says 'I guess one could run eq parties naked, but who even has the chest
space for that!?'
Zedek continues 'I'm telling you, this game gets more flower by the year, and
mortals are lazier than ever.'
Zedek says 'You know what's the worst thing? They forgot to turn my sense of
smell off. Let that sink in for a minute...'
Morden shivers.
Zedek exclaims 'I'm literally rotting and I CAN SMELL MYSELF!'
Zedek sighs.
Zedek says 'Some days I feel like I'm going insane, and sometimes I wish I
finally did.'
Zedek pauses, lost in thought.
Zedek says 'Look on the bright side, at least you've got some nice eq.'
Zedek says 'What have I got? A freaking marts robe. A MARTS ROBE! Can you
think of anything more useless?'
The third figure, a tall humanoid with a regal bearing, speaks up.
Z'ragore says 'Eq? Don't even start with that shit, Zedek... I'm still
"pending recode."'
Z'ragore spits.
Z'ragore continues '"Two weeks", they said! HAH!'
Z'ragore says 'I don't know what's gonna be first, Ewige hitting XX or the
heat death of the universe, but I know I'll still be waiting for Zin to put
his coding pants on.'

Suddenly you hear loud conversation and running steps. They're approaching
quickly.
A team of healers burst onto the street talking loudly amongst themselves. Two
ogres are whisking along a badly hurt treant on a large stretcher.

BlackBark cries out in pain!
BlackBark shrieks 'Aveallis have mercy IT HURTS!'
BlackBark cries out 'That's the SIXTH time today... and there'll probably be
six more before the boot is through!'
BlackBark begs 'I just can't take it anymore!! Please, please just let me
reti--'

The bustle is over as quickly as it began, the medical team hurrying away down
the street.
Zedek stares solemnly after the retreating group.
There is a brief moment when the street corner falls quiet, the neon sign
flickering softly.
Zedek sighs out 'Poor guy...'
Zedek says 'Well, at least we're not exp mobs...'
Zedek perks up and straightens his posture.
Zedek exlaims 'Right, enough gloom and doom for the day. Let's go get drinks,
I'm buying!'
The trio start making their way inside.
Zedek says 'They have this new stuff made with blood moss extract, it's wild!
It'll get your mind off things, guaranteed!'

Blackness envelops you. You hear rumbling and the grinding of gears and a new
set piece rises up out of the stage.

Soft firelight. The interior of The Whining Mortal, exactly what you'd except
from a dive bar. Sticky stains and sour stench included.
Our trio is seated at a table. An elderly gnome waiter departs with an empty
tray, having left three exotic looking fungal drinks at the table.
Zedek raises his drink 'Cheers!'
Morden replies 'Cheers!'
Morden raises the drink to his lips.

You don't have a belly for the drink to go into.

Morden seems confused 'Wait... something's wrong...'

You don't have a belly for the drink to go into.

'What the hell!?' Morden asks annoyedly.

You don't have a belly for the drink to go into.
You don't have a belly for the drink to go into.
You don't have a belly for the drink to go into.

Morden's face turns from a look of confusion into a furious grimace!
Morden spits out 'That's it! I QUIT!!'
Morden shakes his fist at the sky 'CURSE YOU SHADOWJACK!! I CURSE YOU AND
YOUR--'
The curtain falls. For a moment you continue to hear loud cursing, then all is
quiet again.

The spotlight comes back on, illuminating a familiar figure.
Anatea smiles wistfully.
Anatea wonders aloud 'Oh, BatMUD... How's that one song go...?'
Suddenly she lifts up off of the stage, rising higher and higher, the
spotlight tracking her.
From seemingly out of nowhere you start to hear music! Dramatic horns,
percussion and strings build up quickly.
Anatea sings in a forceful voice, carrying over the orchestra.
'You can check out any time you like, but you can never leave!!'
The music reaches a climax, finishing with an explosion of colorful lights and
smoke!
The scent of fireworks fills the air.

As quickly as it began, it's all over.
Blackness engulfs you once again.
A spotlight comes on.
Anatea is standing in the spotlight once more, grinning widely.
Anatea flourishes, making her cloak billow. The stars on it twinkle and fly
out from her. A starry night sky now lights up the ceiling of the theater.
Anatea bows deeply.