Date:Jan 23 1996
NONFICTION WARNING: The author of this work makes no guarantees that that
names, organizations, events, and circumstances described in this missive did
not exist. By reading past this point, the reader waives any and all legal or
implied rights and shall hold the author IMMUNE TO ALL LEGAL or nonlegal
ACTIONS or other harmful or unwanted attention on their part. If you don't
agree to this STOP READING RIGHT NOW.
This missive is dedicated to the two who sacrificed themselves so I could live
in an only partially insane world.
The 5IC, or Fifth Intergalactic Council used to be the largest and most
powerful body of the collection of those seeking total world domination. They
were, in a sense, the most powerful, forming the original "Network".
The Network was actually formed posthumourously after the removal of the
president of the United States and 5IC pawn, Mrs. Jacky Moore Hubbard. When
Mr. Jones took over, things began to go downhill. Mr. Steffan Raines, Jack
Moore's closest assistant explained to other groups like the 5IC that their
leaders were also at risk. If they wanted to stand a chance against this
alien threat, they had to unite and fight these nasty alien "assasins".
Steffan of course knew that the "assasins" weren't alien at all, but he
didn't care. He needed to keep them alien to prove his point. Inside, he was
really glad that Jacky Moore had been done in. Not only does he inherit the
5IC, but he also gets to form a Network out of all those nasty groups besides
the 5IC, and use it for his own purpose. Things were looking pretty good for
Steffan. Benny Jones called him "Big John" once, and then name stuck.
Then a little kid helped spot all the different members of the original
5IC. All seven of them. And she droped them all anonymous notes with a
single message. It said, "Get A Life!".
- Aftermath -
"Master Steffan! Can it be? Has our best walked out on us?", asked
"Yes. Sad, very sad. Ray joined the army." Benny clenched a fist in
"That means he won't be back either.", he admitted. Steffan nodded in
acknowledgement. "The network used to be everywhere. Now we are nowhere. We
barely even exist anymore. We don't even get a capital letter anymore."
"What about Jack? And Peter? And the rest of your officers? Where'd
they go?", asked Benny. He thought of defecting and becoming a Demonologist
once. But for him, anything other than the network simply didn't exist.
"Jack joined some Chruch. Works as their enforcer, keeps the people in
line. Makes sure the parents don't complain when the head minister fondels
the little daughters and sons.", admitted Steffan, sneering. "And Peter? He
just disappeared, even the network doesn't knoew what he did after he blew."
Benny gritted his teeth. "And Chris?", he asked, hoping there'd be at
least one exception.
"Him too. Scientology." Benny shook his had and spat at the ground.
The fifth intergalactic invasion that the 5IC had been predicting all
along happened then. Not quite, but close enouhg. Steffan got a throwing axe
in his back and was nearly cut in half by a katana. Benny got used as a
pincushion for about 8 arrows and fell before he could yell. Benny's last
thought was "Damned kid! I should have listened!". Steffan didn't have any
time for last thoughts.
The assasin pulled a hood over her kimono, dropped the new useless
Shuriken she had been saving for Peter at the scene, and left.
- Let it be -
One witness identified someone in a kimono running from the scene of the
double murder. Of course the disillusioned Smokeys assumed that it must have
been an Arab and this was another act of Extremist Islam Terrorism. Smokey
couldn't quite tell the difference. Some three-letter government orgonization
thought they were smart b'cos they knew what a kimono was. Must be the
Yakuza, they thought.
The assasin got another medal and was reward with a "slightly more
livable life than before." The kid who wrote the original anonymous note "Get
a Life!" finally got to spend some time with her family. And the cat who
helped plan the whole thing got a brand new litterbox, a catnip flavored
mouse, a new scratching post, a can of gourmet food, a new "kitty plush toy",
a three-tier carpeted climbing pole, and three goldfish.
Something like that.