Hear ye, hear ye!
I have it upon certainty, that christmas celebrations are in peril this year.
The lord of hell, Asmodeus, whose name shall not me pronounced out loud, is
planning to enslave Santa Claus himself and force him into eternal servitude
in the pits of hell. Eternal toil in unbelievably vile conditions with demons
whipping him at every turn is what awaits Santa Claus in hell. Oh woe is us
for this saint of a man shall be gone! If the fate of this beloved altruist
does not shake your humours to the very depths of your soul, then maybe
personal gain is closer to your heart. If santa is bound in hell, then there
will be no presents to be had... ever... again.

Alas, fear not! I have heard that a certain group of young and promising
adventurers... nay, HEROES! is planning to impede the plans of the most foul
of demons, Asmodeus ( whose name is not wise to say out loud). They are going
to slay him. Kill him until he is dead! It is the only way to be sure that
Santa Claus can stay out of harms way this holiday season. It is the only way
to ensure that gifts will flow to the needy and greedy! Asmodeus, whose name
shall not be spoken, is no mere petty demon. Oh no. He is a LORD of HELL! One
cannot simply smite him down, no matter how strong the hand that wields the
sword. The reclusive magus of esoteric lore has plunged himself into the
libraries and has found out that besides the physical application of violence,
it must be wreathed in the halo of sanctity. Unfortunately there are no angels
among us who wear such halos and wield terrible swords, but a way has been
found. A long lost altar has been located in the depths of hell, which is
spiritually connected to the very essence of Asmodeus, whose name shall not be
spoken. If people willingly sacrifice themselves upon the altar and with their
blood commune send their sanctimonious prayers, Asmodeus, whose name is not to
be stated aloud, is for a brief moment in time vulnerable to physical and
mystical applications of extreme prejudice and violence. By this very method
the foul beast can be slain! As it bleeds, then surely, it can be slain until
it breathes no longer.

Unfortunately, the amount of blood, thoughts and prayers needed to slay
Asmodeus, whose name shall not be uttered, is vast. A throng of people would
be needed, a simple bunch of halfwits should prove to be a mere nuisace to the
unholiest of all beings. There will be need for everyone to participate in
this undertaking. The aforementioned group of heroes will take care of the
application of means to ensure that Asmodeus, whose name shall not be even
whispered, will be put down. He shall be slaughtered like the rabid dog he is,
his bleeding carcass paraded in the streets so people can throw stones and
spit upon it! The brave group of adventurers has gathered an offering to
entice everyone to participate in the sacrificial festival of blood! As an
added insult to the crushing of the unpleasant plans of Asmodeus, whos name is
not to be shouted upon the hills, in the spirit of Santa Claus, the offering
will be given to the throng of multitudes who sacrifice themselves to ensure
that the unrowdy beast can be slain! Come one, come all! The participation of
everyone is necessary to save christmas! Do YOU want to get presents, then YOU
need to come do your part! This coming sunday, the most holiest of days of the
week, at the most holiest of hours, ( 21.00 EET) the sufficiently holy of all
parties shall perform the deed.