Nightshift... I love nightshift. Gives me time to think... not that I don't already think more than enough. Another day in my life which I spent with trying to do something productive. Somehow itall boils down to the decision to become a grown up... I guess I should simply define myself as an adult and wheeee suddenly I'm one... But then again what happened to my ideals of being a modern Peter Pan.. the boy who never grows up, living at the second star to the right? Just one wonderful thought is enough and I can fly. Humhumhum. Some things have happened again today, ending in me questioning the human race again. How can it be that we are all a bunch of liars and egoistic animals when it comes to ourselves and relationships. Basically everyone on this planet just craves to have someone in ones bed to cuddle and just to have the wonderful feeling that one is not alone... but why is it so difficult.. it's not like in the books.. boy meets girl, they fall in love, some obstacles, they marry, have kids and live happy ever after... It's tears, arguments, accusations and a lot of evil thoughts, lies and and and. Strange that it always looks so nice in the movies... after all they are done by humans.. but I guess it once again shows that mankind always craves for what it usually does not have. Blah my english is getting so damned rusty... but then again its in the middle of the night so I DO have an excuse for it. Sometimes there are moments in my life when I feel like saying HEY now I'll be an adult, now I'll grow up... but then something happens or I just can't make it and I just revert to a drooling child who wants to curl in bed, preferrably with his teddybear. Friend of mine now decided he will become a Buddhist.. he started reading books about how to find ones inner self and stuff like that... I just so didn't care.. guess it shows I'm not ready for my inner self yet... maybe better though. ... might be scary like hell what i might see :P . Still looking forward to my Kuopio trip which now is less than one week away. I plan to have the time of my life again... though being the person I am I can't help but to ponder what will happen after I'm back.. which trip I'll be looking forward to then, which illusion I'll run after then. Blah I'm in bad mood... Got quite disappointed from someone I like very much today and am pondering whether its worth being sad or whether I should just move on with my life, define what happened as experience and just go on... which I prolly will but I am just so terribly nostalgic sometimes and seem to have real problems just to go on with my life without looking back and living in the past. It's important to learn from the past but it seems not healthy to actually live in it. I'm living a great life.. I got money, friends, I am travelling all the time, am a creator in a wonderful game called batmud... and still I'm not happy everso often. Main decision to make sooner or later is to find out whether I will stop studying and start working full time or whether I will finish my studies, earn my degree, be called M.A. and THEN be a nice society robot and work full time. I guess my journeys are just a tad bit more important to me at the moment. Of course there also still is the thought of going to finland one day for some time. I just fell in love with the finnish people though there surely are countries with nicer weather situations it's such a shame that I nowadays have more finnish friends than german ones. I'm n ot even sure if I did something wrong or something right to come to that situation...