To my dear husband:
I think you have mixed a lot of things up. Here are the reasons you got no
more than you got:
5 times you came home drunk and tried to make love to our dog
36 times you didn't come home at all
21 times you didn't come
33 times you had come too early
19 times your penis fell before it reached the target
38 times you had night shift at work
10 times you had cramp in your toes
29 times you had to wake early to play golf
2 times you had a fight and somebody hit you in the balls
4 times your instrument was stuck in the zipper
3 times you had cold and your nose was running
2 times you had a sliver in your finger
20 times you lost the desire after a whole day of thinking about sex
6 times you came to our bed reading a pornographic novel
98 times you were otherwise occupied with watching sports on tv
Of those times when we did make love, I 6 times just lay there calmly because
you missed your mark and made love to the sheets. Neither did I mention
police, but asked you instead about position. That time when you felt me move
was after you barfed in my face and I was trying to get some air.