I, the penis, request a pay raise due to the following reasons:

1. I do physical labor.
2. I work at great depths.
3. I plunge head first into everything I do.
4. I work weekends and holidays.
5. I work in a damp environment.
6. I work in dark areas with poor ventilation.
7. I work in high temperatures.
8. My work exposes me to disease.

---------------------------

Dear Penis,

Your request has been denied for the following reasons:

1. You don't work 8 hours straight.
2. You work in short spurts and fall asleep after each brief work period.
3. You don't stay in your designated area and are frequently found in other
locations.
4. You don't take initiative and must be stimulated to start working.
5. You leave your work area messy at the end of your shift.
6. You are unable to work overtime or double shifts.
7. You sometimes leave your designated work area before completing the
assigned task.
8. You have constantly been seen entering and exiting the work place with two
suspicious bags.

Sincerely, The Management.


-- Lord Tarken Aurelius, the Sage