Jack is the only son of Awe Schitt and O. Schitt. Awe Schitt, the fertilizer
magnate, married O. Schitt, the owner of Knee-deep N. Schitt Inc. In turn,
Jack Schitt married Noe Schitt, and the deeply religious couple produced 6
children: Holie Schitt, Fulla Schitt, Giva Schitt, Bull Schitt, and the twins:
Deep Schitt and Dip Schitt. Against her parents' objections, Deep Schitt
married Dumb Schitt, a high school drop out. After being married 15 years,
Jack and Noe Schitt divorced. Noe Schitt later married Mr. Sherlock, and
because her kids were living with them, she wanted to keep her previous name:
Noe Schitt-Sherlock. Dip Schitt married Loada Schitt and they produced a
nervous son, Chicken Schitt. Fulla Schitt and Giva Schitt were inseparable
throughout childhood and subsequently married the Happens brothers in a dual
ceremony. The wedding announcement in the newspaper announced the
Schitt-Happens wedding. The Schitt-Happens children were Dawg, Byrd, and
Hoarse. Bull Schitt, the prodigal son, left home to tour the world.

He recently returned from Italy with his new bride, Pisa Schitt. So now when
someone says, "You don't know Jack Schitt", you can correct them.