The next one is a true story, mmmmkay? I'll write it from the viewpoint of
the narrator.

This happened on our trip to Thailand. All was great, just as a tourist might
like it. My wife and I decided to visit an elephant show, hell if I know why.
Ok, everything once again was great, the elephants played soccer, ate bananas
from hand, that sort of thing. And finally the guy calls out for volunteers to
step out on the arena, guys that aren't afraid. Well, with my wife sitting
there I kind of wanted to show off, so I jumped down. There was another guy in
our group, by the name of Boris. He also was sitting with a wife, and I guess
he felt the same way I did, and came down into the ring. So we, and a few
others, were told to lie down on the sand and told us to lie still. Here I saw
that I stepped in it, if you know what I mean.
The elephants started to step over us, and the distance between their legs and
our bodies was microscopic. Well, I lie down there and then I notice that
everyone is looking at something else. I saw that the spectators were
interested in this Boris guy. Now Boris was a typical Russian guy, of medium
build. The dude in charge of the show was commenting the whole thing. Anyway,
just as the elephant (it was a female) raised her leg over Boris, she stopped,
holding it in the air.
Showdude: Interesting, why did she stop over him like that?
As he said that, the elephant takes the snout and reaches into Boris' pants
and starts to fool around there.
Showdude: Whoa, I guess things are so fine down there that even an elephant
appreciated it, and you know how hard that is!


P.S. After that day Boris sat at home and never went to any shows since, as I
imagine, the next day the whole country was talking about this big Russian who
got hit on by an elephant.