Every day life here gets harder and harder. It\'s been a month now, and all
this time we can sense by the smell of garlic that the Ukrainian battallion is
nearby. When the wind blew from their side, our sergeant swooned and fell out
of the Humvee. The medical sister tried to give him a tetanus shot but he sued
her for sexual assault. Truth be known, it\'s our anti-aircraft gunners who
suffer most from the smell. Today they shot down a British fighter pilot.
Assholes! Now why did they do that? Everyone knows that they pay 200 bucks for
a killed Iraqi, but you get nothing for a killed Brit.

The Iraqis themselves are real bad savages, worse than cannibals. They don\'t
seem to understand that U.S. Army is the strongest in the world, and they keep
attacking us. Our newest laser-positron targeting systems for destroying the
enemy targeting systems don\'t work. These barbarians don\'t have such
systems!

Last week we were given new stealth choppers. They fly very low, so no enemy
radar can detect them. So low, in fact, that yesterday an Iraqi farmer downed
one with his shovel. He said that the choppers distracted him from working in
his field. The Pentagon sued him for using weapons unsanctioned by the U.N.
The President already asked the Senate to allocate $ 5 billion for anti-shovel
armour.

But the worst thing happened to the sarge. A reinforced bullet from an AK shot
a toilet paper roll out of his hand, and he had to call in air support, so they
could bring us bio-toilets. Our sarge isn\'t feeling very good, he\'s been
waiting for the damned chopper for 7 hours straight. We don\'t know if he\'ll
live till they arrive.

Dearest, I know you\'re worried about me. Be at peace. Soon we\'ll have more
reinforcements, two more divisions of lawyers.