beat: my wife tried to do Muay Thai on me

I woke up just now around 7:30 am and got out of bed. I fill the sink with
water and start brushing my teeth. She rolls around naked in the bed looks at
the clcok and says to me "Youre waking up now?". Since I hate being asked
rhetorical questions, I just make a grunt like sound. Then I walk over and
turn on my notebook. She asks me what time we went to sleep last night. I
shrug my shoulders and make another grunt like sound. Then she asks "Why are
you waking up so early?". I make another grunt like sound. I start browsing
the internet. She says "Are you waking up now?".

We have a small cat named Happy which sleeps in a ball on the other side of
our studio apartment. I calmly walk over and pick it up. She asks me "Why are
you waking up so early?". I then take the cat, and push its head in the sink,
holding it underwater, and start humming the lyrics to Thriller. She does a
ninja roll out of bed, and lunges at me with a flying kick:

I let go of Happy, who makes a horrific squealing sound, and move out of the
way. Her leg barely connects with my left crib cage. Happy hits the floor with
a loud thump, and just lays there twitching.
My wife mutters some profanity in Thai that I didnt completely understand,
something about me having a big penis and a small brain. She drops into a
three point stance.

At this point, I am no longer angry, but instead fully erect at the sight of
her doing naked martial arts. She then quickly puts two arms around my neck
pulling it down, and raises her knee into my face, but I block it by putting
my wrists infront. She swings a left hook at me. I duck and spin her around
grabbing her. I hold her still and passionately kiss her on the back of her
neck. She starts moaning in delight, but I am not sure yet if this is just a
ploy to break free. I continue massaging her body and check her person
strategically for moistness. The results are positive, so I fling her onto the
bed.