++The European Commission has just announced an agreement whereby English will
be the official language of the EU rather than German which was the other
possibility. As part of the negotiations, Her Majesty's Government conceded
that English spelling had some room for improvement and has accepted a 5-year
phase-in plan that would be known as "Euro-English".

In the first year, "s" will replace the soft "c". Sertainly, this will make
the sivil servants jump with joy. The hard "c" will be dropped in favour of
the "k". This should klear up konfusion and keyboards kan have 1 less letter.

By the second year, there will be growing publik enthusiasm, when the
troublesome "ph" will be replased with "f". This will make words like
"fotograf" 20% shorter. Also the difficult 'ch' will be replased by a fonetik
'tjs'

In the 3rd year, publik akseptanse of the new spelling kan be ekspekted to
reatjs the stage where more komplikated tjsanges are possible. Governments
will enkorage the removal of double letters, whitjs have always ben a deterent
to akurate speling. Also, al wil agre that the horible mes of the silent
"e"'s in the language is disgraseful and they should go away.

By the fourth year, peopl wil be reseptiv to steps sutjs as replasing "th"
with "z" and "w" with "v".

During ze fifz year, ze unesesary "o" kan be dropd from vords kontaining "ou"
and similar tsjanges vud of kors be aplid to ozer kombinations of leters.
After zis fifz yer, ve vil hav a reli sensibl riten styl. Zer vil be no mor
trubl or difikultis and evrivun vil find it ezi to understand etsj ozer. Ze
drem vil finali kum tru! ++

^o^