My dear, our son can be proud of his father! Our sergeant is very smart, and
thanks to him we\'ve captured thirty-four Husseins. That\'s eleven Husseins
more than the second best corps. Ukrainians, on the other hand, only got
eight, of which one is a cat and another a woman. All Husseins have been sent
to the laboratory to check the whiskers\' DNA. The Hussein that got most votes
was one of ours, so we\'re the heroes of the day. The lab determined for sure
that it\'s him. Now they\'re determining exactly who he might be.

The bad news is that it seems the war wasn\'t needed after all. The inspectors
didn\'t find any WMD here. Researchers say that no matter what Iraqi scientists
tried to make, they always got hash.

However, Mr. President has sent us pager messages, congratulating us on the
successful operation. He said once again, that we are a peace-loving nation.
That\'s why we\'ll never leave peace alone. And we\'ll soon carry it to North
Korea. The sarge said that North Korea is a lake in the Pacific Ocean. But
we\'re not ready for a war with them yet, because our Coke deliveries have
been interrupted.

P.S. (same evening)
There\'s started a lot of looting in Baghdad. The Ukrainian battallion
suddenly attacked us and tried to steal all that we\'ve stolen from Iraqis.
Turns out they don\'t pay these poor ukrainians any salary, and told them that
all they could find in Iraq would be theirs. We haven\'t had such hard fighting
for the whole war. If I don\'t come back, tell our son that his father was a
heroic American - a champion of Democracy.