Football field = bed
Ball = a round symbol of a penis
Goal = a clear female symbol
Shot on goal = male orgasm
A save = female orgasm
A scored goal = conception
Penalty shot = planned sex
Corner shot = planned sex with s/m games
Five yard penalty = planned conception
Five yard save = multiple orgasm
Wall = an ineffective contraceptive device
Offside = premature ejaculation
Post-match penalties = artificial conception
Referee = conscious, subconscious and unconscious complexes
Yellow card = sexually transmitted disease
Red card = temporary impotency
Commentator = a talking impotent voyeur
Prize for winning match = libido
Women's football = latent pseudo-lesbianism
Coach = harsh personal psychiatrist
World championships = swingers' night

Correction - in place of penalty shot, place \'free kick\' and in place of 5-yd
penalty - simple penalty. Rules got a bit messed up