Subject: [HB] For your information

Finally.......The ungarbled truth

Health Tips & News/The Straight Dope On Food, Health, & Exercise:

Q: I've heard that cardiovascular exercise can prolong life. Is this
True?

A: Your heart is only good for so many beats, & that's it. Everything
wears out eventually. Speeding up your heart will not make you live
longer; that's like saying you can extend the life of your car by driving
it faster. Want to live longer? Take a nap.

Q: Should I cut down on meat & eat more fruits & vegetables?

A: You must grasp logistical efficiencies. What does a cow eat? Hay &
corn. And what are these? Vegetables. So a steak is nothing more than
an efficient mechanism of delivering vegetables to your system. Need
grain? Eat chicken. Beef is also a good source of field grass (green
leafy vegetable). And a pork chop can give you 100% of your recommended
daily allowance of vegetable slop.

Q: Is beer or wine bad for me?

A: Look, it goes to the earlier point about fruits & vegetables. As we
all know, scientists divide everything in the world into 3 categories:
animal, mineral, and vegetable. We all know that beer & wine are not
animal, and they are not on the periodic table of elements, so that only
leaves one thing, right? My advice: Have a burger and a beer & enjoy
your liquid vegetables.

Q: How can I calculate my body/fat ratio?

A: Well, if you have a body, & you have body fat, your ratio is 1 to 1
to one. If you have 2 bodies, your ratio is 2 to 1, etc.

Q: At the gym, a guy asked me to "spot" for him while he did the bench
press. What did he mean?

A: "Spotting" for someone means you stand over him while he blows air up
your shorts. It's an accepted practice at health clubs; though if you
find that it becomes the ONLY reason why you're going in, you probably
ought to reevaluate your exercise program.

(Continued next post)