with the text:
HAZARDOUS MATERIAL SAFETY DATA SHEET
Element: Woman
Symbol: Wo.
Discoverer: God-An improvement of a prototype, Man
Atomic Mass: Variable, between 85 and 550 pounds, with 120 lbs. being an
acceptable nominal weight.
Occurrence: Copious quantities throughout the world.
PHYSICAL PROPERTIES:
Surface usually covered with painted film,
Boils at nothing, freezes with reason.
Melts if given special treatment.
Bitter if incorrectly used.
Found in various states ranging from virgin metal to common ore.
Yields to pressure applied at correct points.
CHEMICAL PROPERTIES:
Has great affinity for Gold, Silver, platinum & Precious Stones.
Absorbs great quantities of expensive substances.
May explode spontaneously without prior warning, and for no good reason.
Insoluble in liquids, but activity greatly increases by saturation in alcohol.
Most powerful money-reducing agent known to man.
COMMON USES:
Highly ornamental, especially in sports cars.
Can be a great aid to relaxation.
Very effective cleaning agent.
In its more refined state, it serves well in the job market at reduced cost.
Also, in most of its intermediate states, it serves well as a support for Man.
TESTS:
Pure specimen turns rosy pink when discovered in natural state.
Other specimens turn green when placed near a specimen of higher quality.
Higher quality specimens react exothermically when placed in contact with
newly created versions of either enantiomer.
HAZARDS:
May explode spontaneously without prior warning, and for no known reason.
Extremely dangerous, except in experienced hands. Even the experienced should
exert extreme caution.
Except in portions of Utah and the Middle East, one should not try to maintain
more than one sample of this element. Although several can be maintained at
different locations as long as specimens do not come into direct contact with
each other.