Ok folks, imagine a Russian town. A big one. Lots of people on the streets. So
far so good. Now, in Russia there is normally a shortage of public transport,
so every single bus, trolley and subway train is packed, literally. The next
story is a bit on the kinky side, but as the person who wrote that said: \'You
can\'t erase the facts.\' So here goes. From his viewpoint.

One summer day I had to go home from a fair by bus. There was a great lot of
people at the bus stop for some reason, maybe the buses were running late or
something else, but the point is that when one finally came, the people
started to storm it as if it was the Winter Palace in 1917. After a successful
\'wave\' I found myself inside the bus, but it became apparent that not
everyone was going to get in, and the ones left out were quite chagrined. One
of these was an elderly lady, or rather an \'old gal\', who was storming the
front door of the bus for all she was worth. Grabbing a handle with one hand
she was throwing herself at the bodies inside, but they were as dense as a
concrete wall. It all wouldn\'t have been so bad, if this old woman didn\'t
have a grocery bag in her other hand, with a big frozen fish sticking right
out of it. I don\'t know how that happened to pass, but this very fish chanced
to come in between the legs of a very pretty girl, who was dressed in a short
miniskirt. How did I understand that? There was nothing to understand, as she
was standing right next to me, face to face.
Ok, there\'s an expression in Russia, \'eyes like 7 copecks\'. (For those of
you unfamiliar with Soviet-time money, 5 copecks was the biggest of small
coins, 7 copecks didn\'t exist but the expression would mean it was bigger). I
tell you, we were counting rubles here. The girl softly said \'Oh!\', from the
sound of which my hat fell off, and pressed toward me. I\'ll say right here
that I\'m not easily surprised, but the intensiveness and the temperament of
her pressure upon my body made even me blush. Especially since at the time I
had no idea of the fish at all, and took it to be a love thing.
The old lady pushed, and seemingly the fish pushed along with her. The girl
once again said \'Oh!\' but now it was a longer and somewhat sadder sound, as
if she was falling down an abyss, then she put her arms around my shoulders.
Hey, I was all for that!
\'What is this??\', asked she, moaning slightly, while pressing herself to me
in the passionate moves of her belly and other parts of her beautiful body.
I didn\'t know myself what this was, but I felt good! After a few moments I
felt that someone is trying to push me to the side and take my place, but I
didn\'t budge. Am I my own enemy or something?
The flexibility of women\'s bodies is well known, but how she managed to turn
her neck around 180 degrees is still a mystery to me. She did that, and the
dream was over, because the thing turned into a scandal right away. Trying to
kick the old woman with her feet the girl was screaming hysterically, and even
though there was no word about profaned virginity, the implications of
perversions were there.
\'Where do you think you\'re sticking it, old hag?! You almost made me die of
fright! You! You...!\' I\'ve dropped the details, but the picture should be
clear. If it is not clear, try to imagine yourself with an icy fish inside
your legs while the air around you is in the 30\'s.
The thing that amazed me most was the answer that old woman gave, who had
surrendered, seeing that there was no way for her to get on the bus. Breathing
heavily, she said:
\'Stop screaming, stupid! When I was your age I took the bus every day and I
had worse things stuck in me. And I\'m still here, and I don\'t complain!\'