Honesty

Engineers are always honest in matters of technology and human relationships.
That's why it's a good idea to keep engineers away from customers, romantic
interests, and other people who can't handle the truth.

Engineers sometimes bend the truth to avoid work. They say things that sound
like lies but technically are not because nobody could be expected to believe
them. The complete list of engineer lies is listed below.

"I won't change anything without asking you first." "I'll return your
hard-to-find cable tomorrow."
"I have to have new equipment to do my job." "I'm not jealous of your new
computer."
Frugality

Engineers are notoriously frugal. This is not because of cheapness or mean
spirit; it is simply because every spending situation is simply a problem in
optimization, that is, "How can I escape this situation while retaining the
greatest amount of cash?"
Powers of Concentration

If there is one trait that best defines an engineer it is the ability to
concentrate on one subject to the complete exclusion of everything else in the
environment. This sometimes causes engineers to be pronounced dead
prematurely. Some funeral homes in high-tech areas have started checking
resumes before processing the bodies. Anybody with a degree in electrical
engineering or experience in computer programming is propped up in the lounge
for a few days just to see if he or she snaps out of it.
Risk

Engineers hate risk. They try to eliminate it whenever they can. This is
understandable, given that when an engineer makes one little mistake, the
media will treat it like it's a big deal or something.
Examples of Bad Press for Engineers

* Hindenberg.
* Space Shuttle Challenger.
* SPANet(tm)
* Hubble space telescope.
* Apollo 13.
* Titanic.
* Ford Pinto.
* Corvair.

The risk/reward calculation for engineers looks something like this:

RISK: Public humiliation and the death of thousands of innocent people.
REWARD: A certificate of appreciation in a handsome plastic frame.

Being practical people, engineers evaluate this balance of risks and rewards
and decide that risk is not a good thing. The best way to avoid risk is by
advising that any activity is technically impossible for reasons that are far
too complicated to explain.

If that approach is not sufficient to halt a project, then the engineer will
fall back to a second line of defense: "It's technically possible but it will
cost too much."
Ego

Ego-wise, two things are important to engineers:

* How smart they are.
* How many cool devices they own.

The fastest way to get an engineer to solve a problem is to declare that the
problem is unsolvable. No engineer can walk away from an unsolvable problem
until it's solved. No illness or distraction is sufficient to get the engineer
off the case. These types of challenges quickly become personal -- a battle
between the engineer and the laws of nature.

Engineers will go without food and hygiene for days to solve a problem. (Other
times just because they forgot.) And when they succeed in solving the problem
they will experience an ego rush that is better than sex--and I'm including
the kind of sex where other people are involved.

Nothing is more threatening to the engineer than the suggestion that somebody
has more technical skill. Normal people sometimes use that knowledge as a
lever to extract more work from the engineer. When an engineer says that
something can't be done (a code phrase that means it's not fun to do), some
clever normal people have learned to glance at the engineer with a look of
compassion and pity and say something along these lines: "I'll ask Bob to
figure it out. He knows how to solve difficult technical problems."

At that point it is a good idea for the normal person to not stand between the
engineer and the problem. The engineer will set upon the problem like a
starved Chihuahua on a pork chop.