Level: 150 [Wizard] Age: 1y, 54d, 1h, 46min and 4s


I bring this all up because now Microsoft has a new version out, Windows XP,
which according to everybody is the ''most reliable Windows ever.'' To me,
this is like saying that asparagus is ''the most articulate vegetable ever.''
But still, I am tempted. ''Maybe this will be the one,'' I say to Buddy, as
the two of us wait for the disks to be scanned.

If I do get Windows XP, I won't try to install it myself. I no longer mess
with the innards of my computer. The last time I tried was a disaster, even
though I enlisted the aid of my friend Rob Stavis, a medical doctor who is the
most mechanically inclined person I know. Rob can disassemble and successfully
reassemble a live human being. He and I recently spent an entire weekend
trying to solve an allegedly simple computer problem. We wound up at the
computer store, talking to guys who were trained by the Monty Python Institute
of Customer Service:

US: So, what do we need to make it work?

THEM: You need a model FRT-2038 expostulating refrembulator.

US: And that will make it work?

THEM: No.

Finally, I hired a guy named J.C., who is a Microsoft Certified Technician. He
was in my office for the better part of two days, most of it on the phone with
Technical Support. It was fascinating for me, a layperson, to hear the
technical terminology that J.C. used to get the information he needed: ''DO
NOT PUT ME ON HOLD, DO YOU HEAR ME? DO NOT PUT ME ON HO... HELLO? HELLO?? YOU
(very nontechnical term)!''

In the end, J.C. solved the problem. So now I'm thinking about hiring him
again. Because the more I think about this Windows XP, the better it looks,
sitting over there by the bar, drinking a pina colada. All I have to do is
make my move, and I'll have what every guy dreams of: computer reliability!

I worry about who will take care of Buddy.

Dave Barry