Today we finally took position. Nobody warned us there\'d be shooting here, so
many soldiers are demanding to be sent back home. These iraqis turned out to
be real savages, they just can\'t get through their heads that we\'re
conquering their villages legitimately, the Senate ruled it was ok! Last night
they even treacherously shot at our plane that was peacefully bombing their
town.

Our commanders have given us strict orders not to surrender. The iraqis
torture their captives mercilessly: they don\'t give them any popcorn, take
away their dvd-players, forbid keeping their feet on the table and to use
dental floss.

But in spite of all that, we feel that we\'re true heroes. They say that the
whole world has joined our war with Saddam. Britney Spears has started to
learn the Iraqi lingo, and Madonna has grown a beard and even written a new
book, called \'In bed with Hussein.\'

Oh, and today we\'re supposed to have more reinforcements, a whole corps of
\'abrahams\'. The sarge was wrong again, they\'re not jewish settlers,
they\'re tanks. In fact, super cool tanks with new teflon covering, which is
said to be very fragile. But it\'s expensive and classy.

But the scariest thing of all was that we were given ukrainian gas masks. They
smell so much of borsch and garlic that we decided to breath in mustard gas
instead.

Tell our kid that daddy will come back for sure, as long as he isn\'t forced
to wear a ukrainian gas mask.