In the year 2010, the Lord came unto Noah, who was now living in the United
States, and said: "Once again the earth has become wicked and over-populated,
and I see the end of all flesh before me. Build another Ark and save two of
every living thing long with a few good humans."

He gave Noah the blueprints, saying: "You have six months to build the Ark
before I will start the unending rain for 40 days and 40 nights."

Six months later, the Lord looked down and saw Noah weeping in his yard -
but no Ark. "Noah! He roared, I'm about to start the rain! Where is the Ark?"

"Forgive me, Lord", begged Noah, "but things have changed."
"I needed a building permit."
"I've been arguing with the inspector about the need for a sprinkler system."

"My neighbors claim that I've violated the neighborhood zoning laws by
building the Ark in my yard and exceeding the height limitations. We had to
go to the Development Appeal Board for a decision. Then the Department of
Transportation demanded a bond be posted for the future costs of moving
power lines and other overhead obstructions, to clear the passage for the
Ark's move to the sea."

"I told them that the sea would be coming to us, but they would hear nothing
of it. Getting the wood was another problem. There's a ban on cutting local
trees in order to save the spotted owl. I tried to convince the
environmentalists that I needed the wood to save the owls - but no go!
When I started gathering the animals, an animal rights group sued me.
They insisted that I was confining wild animals against their will.
They argued the accommodations were too restrictive, and it was cruel and
inhumane to put so many animals in a confined space. Then the EPA ruled
that I couldn't build the Ark until they'd conducted an environmental
impact study on your proposed flood. I'm still trying to resolve a complaint
with the Human Rights Commission on how many minorities I'm supposed to hire
for my building crew. Immigration is checking the status of most of the
people who want to work."

"The trade unions say I can't use my sons. They insist I have to hire only
Union workers with Ark-building experience. To make matters worse, they
seized all my assets, claiming I'm trying to leave the country illegally with
endangered species. So, forgive me, Lord, but it would take at least 10
years for me to finish this ark."


Suddenly the skies cleared, the sun began to shine, and a rainbow
stretched across the sky. Noah looked up in wonder and asked, "You mean
you're not going to destroy the world?"

- "No", said the Lord.

"The government beat me to it."