In the Ancient Times the Empire of Egypt was one of the most flourishing
empires in the world. For Egyptians, it was the time of culture, science and
architecture. It was the era of creativity; best characterized by the fact
that eleven of the pharaohs decided to use the name Ramesses. After the
pharaoh realized that there's a possibility that he might suffer the fate of
being listed in the directory as only a serial number in between two other
namesakes he decided to resort into more drastic measures. Thus the pharaoh
ordered that all the male children of the Israeli people should be killed by
drowning them to the river Nile.

This meant trouble for the newborn Levite child, Moses, who was now facing
execution should her mother Jochebed fail to hide her from the henchmen of
the pharaoh. Because she didn't want her newborn son to be drowned to the
Nile, she came up with the cunning plan and put her son Moses in a basket
and set her baby adrift to the aforementioned river Nile. Since river Nile
is only the longest river in the world with the lousy 6650 kilometres,
going through ten different countries with several rapids or cataracts,
including the Murchison Falls in Uganda and the Blue Nile Falls in
Ethiopia, it would seem extremely unlikely that a young baby would become
a victim of drowning in this river.

Luckily the baby Moses was spotted in the basket by the pharaoh's daughter
and the little Moses avoided the hazards of the river. Several years passed
and Moses had reached adulthood. When Moses saw a slaver beat an Israeli slave
he killed the slaver, but had to flee as he was now facing a punishment of
death for his actions. Moses fled to Midian where he became a sheep shepherd
and lived there for fourty years.

Then one day Moses led his flock to a mountain where something very strange
happened. Moses saw a burning bush that beckoned him to come closer.

"Come closer, Moses¨, said the bush, and Moses walked towards the bush. Moses
walked around the bush nonchalantly to make sure that there's nobody behind it
as this was exactly similar to some crass jokes that the Midianites had pulled
on Moses in the past and he didn't want to be humiliated again.

"There's no on else here Moses! It's me, God", said the bush.

Now convinced that there was absolutely no one else, Moses replied to the
bush with quivering voice: "What do you want bush?"

The bush replied. "I want you to go to the pharaoh and liberate the Israeli
people so they can freely worship me.

"Worship a bush?", said Moses with sincere amazement.

"No, not a bush. This is just a symbol. It's a sign from God.", said the bush.

"Alright. I understand", said Moses and continued, "What's your name by the
way or shall I call you bush?"

"My name?", the bush wondered, "my name, well, I am that I am. You can call
me that."

"I am that I am?", asked Moses.

"Yes.", said the bush.

"What does that mean?", asked Moses.

"Well, it's a little bit difficult to explain.", replied the bush and began
explaining what it meant: "I thought it would be very cool if my name wasn't
used in every day discussions, but would instead be like this, shrouded in
mystery. It's like in that Harry Potter saga. In that saga there's this
Lord Voldemort and they always call him as "He who must not be named". So,
I liked it on a movie I saw, so I came up with my own version of it. So
that's why 'I am that I am.' Does it clear it up a bit?"

"Umm..what's a movie?", asked Moses, looking astonished.

"It's something really cool. In the future movies and tv shows are going to
be one of the biggest businesses around. It's going to be huge. And, Moses
I tell you, it's going to be YOUR people who is going to run the whole
business. That's why I've chosen you. But first you need to go and ask
the pharaoh to let them free. Otherwise, no movie business.", said the
bush.

"This sounds very cool, but I'm not sure if I'm cut out for it", Moses said
and appeared seemingly hesitant. But the God insisted.

"Oh, come on Moses! Think of yourself as Jack Bauer. You can do it. Besides,
I'll help you. But first you'll need a catchphrase. It's one of those things
they use in the movies which puts the enemy on the defensive. It needs to
be effective and you must say it with confidence. 'Hasta la vista, baby!'
Now there's a catchphrase!", said the bush.

Moses takes a long look at the ground. He almost now wishes that it was the
Midianites playing a prank on him, but this time it doesn't sound plausible.
Still, Moses is concerned and opens his quivering voice.

"Would it be okay if I took my brother Aaron to accompany me?", Moses asked.

"Eh..Jack Bauer works alone..", the bush replies annoyedly. The bush sighs
and then continues "Fine. You can take your brother Aaron. I suppose you're
now more like and Hiro and Ando."

"Hiro and?", Moses asked again.

"Save the cheerleader. Save the world!", the bush said excitedly.

Finally the bush sends Moses away. It's already an evening and Moses hasn't
yet slept. For a sheep shepherd it's very uncustomary to even manage staying
awake when a big part of job description is counting sheep.

The sun rises and Moses, with his sidekick Aaron, begin their journey towards
Egypt. The morning is all quiet. Moses doesn't say a word and his brother
Aaron stays silent. While walking towards Egypt, their minds are filled with
all kinds of thoughts. Moses especially looks puzzled.

"Penny for your thoughts?", said Aaron. It's not that he had a penny. Aaron
had also been tricked by the Midianites and once almost told his entire life
story only to realize that he was none the richer after that. But to Aaron
this was just his way of asking what his brother had in his mind.

"I'm trying to think of a good catchphrase Aaron. God said that I should have
something prepared when I meet the pharaoh. But I'm still not quite sure
what a catchphrase is or what makes a good catchphrase.", Moses said.

"Also, I'm still wondering what a movie is. Do you know what is a movie
Aaron?"

"I can't say that I do, dear brother. But I'm sure God wouldn't have sent
us here without telling us if it was truly important.", Aaron said.

The guys continue their journey. Buzzards are circling over them, but they
should be safe for now. The water skins they packed should be enough for
them to survive to Egypt. The weather isn't too hot and the wind is serene
so it won't blow sand against their faces.

"This time it's biblical!", Moses exclaimed and frightened his brother.

"What?", Aaron replies, appearing a bit shaken.

"How's that for a catchphrase?", asked Moses.

"I don't know, brother", Aaron says. "I really don't know what's a good
catchphrase."

"I was also thinking of something like 'Let's mosey!'. It would sort of
have my name on it. I wonder if that's better."

"I like it better", Aaron said.

"God said something like Hasta la Vista. I don't quite understand what it
even means but he thought it was a good one.", Moses said.

"Maybe it's supposed to be something really weird that nobody understands",
Aaron replies and says "Or how about this? Let's get ready to rumble!"

"Hah. That's funny. Especially the way you say it Aaron.", Moses quiped.

The sand dunes of the desert finally faded out of sight and the men saw the
outlines of the city of Thebes in the horizon.

"We're finally in Egypt", Moses said calmly, "Now let's go find the pharaoh."

"Have you decided what catchphrase you're going to use?", Aaron asked.

"I think I'm just going to wing it.", Moses said with self-assurance.

They walked through the gates of Thebes to the steps of the pharaoh's palace
when Moses talked again.

"I think God wants me to act more like a jackbauer."

"What's a jackbauer?", Aaron asked.

"Beats me", Moses said, "But I'm going to be the biggest jackbauer the pharaoh
has ever seen. I've got God on my side."

The guards step aside as Moses and Aaron walk into the palace of the pharaoh.
A trumpet blasts loudly as the pharaoh is carried into the room in his
palanquin.

"What do you want?", the pharaoh asked in loud and clear voice.

Moses hesitates. His self confidence is a little bit shattered in the
presence of the pharaoh and his guards overlooking from the high balconies
of the palace.

"I, I was, I am..", Moses stuttered.

"Start with a catchphrase", Aaron whispered silently to Moses.

"To infinity and beyond!", Moses exclaimed loudly and Aaron moved his sweaty
palm over his forehead. Unimpressed, the pharaoh repeated the question to
Moses wanting to hear a proper answer. Moses, with his newfound self-
confidence, opened his mouth and pronounced his words very clearly.

"God sent me to ask you to free the Israeli people.", Moses replied.

"No way, Jose!", says the pharaoh, "We need these guys here building pyramids
and other constructions. Why would God even need these guys anyway?"

Moses looked at his feet embarrassedly and mumbled: "It has something to do
with movies."

"Movies?", asks the pharaoh, "What's a movie?"

"I don't know! You don't know! My brother Aaron doesn't know! All I know is
that God works in mysterious ways and for some reason he needs these people
to do movies.", Moses exclaimed.

"If you don't free these people, something really bad is going to happen and
I'm not the jackbauer that God sent me to be.", Moses cried.

"I don't know Moses. It's not that your request isn't reasonable, but perhaps
we could make those movies here if you can find someone to tell us what a
movie is. The pyramids won't need all the rocks and there's plenty of clay.
I'm sure we could build a movie here too.", the pharaoh said.

"I suppose, but I don't know what God says about all this", Moses stated and
wrapped his arm over Aaron's shoulder and said "Come Aaron. Let's go."

A day passed. The rivers had turned into blood, the streets were infested
with frogs and the air was filled with gnats and flies. The pharaoh had
summoned Moses and Aaron to his palace.

"Look, we asked around, but we don't know what a movie is", pharaoh said and
continued "The rivers are red, there are frogs everywhere and something has
lured all kinds of bugs and then there is this talk about movies and nobody
knows what movies are."

"I really even hate to ask you this but you're not Midianites, are you?", the
pharaoh asked.

"No, we're not. We are Levites", Moses replied, "I'm afraid it's God who
is pissed off right now. But I totally understand you had to ask that."

"Right", said the pharaoh", "But guys, I kinda have a problem. I know that
it's probably God, but everybody here believes this is caused by some
Midianite jokers. If I let everyone leave now, I'm going to become a
laughing stock of the whole court."

(continues in next post)