I'm not a fan of motor sports, but a few weeks ago I thought I should try
everything at least once in my life. That's why I decided to purchase
plane tickets and go see a Formula One-circuit. I was wondering out
loud if I should go to Spain or Bahrain when the travel agent gave me a
cold glance and said to me:

"I can't believe what you just did.", he said seemingly shocked.

"What?", I asked in confusion, "What did I do?", I continued.

"You can't just decide between the two, now you need to buy both tickets
if you want to go.", he said.

"What? Why?", I asked, and almost lost my cool for a moment.

I explained that I'd rather go to Spain, because the temperature rises
so high that it's going to be really unbearable under the hot sun should
I choose to fly to Bahrain.

"It doesn't matter, now you need to buy both tickets if you want to go.", he
responded, repeating what he had insisted before. I still didn't understand
and I wanted him to explain.

"You can't choose circuits like that. That's race discrimination."

I didn't want to be intolerant and I could hardly afford both tickets at
my current financial situation, so I decided to let this opportunity pass.
But I still wanted to go to Spain, so I decided to buy tickets to Toledo.

Finally it was the travelling day. My flight was headed to Madrid where
I would take a bus to Toledo. I boarded the plane and I couldn't
believe my luck. Across the aisle there was sitting that girl who played
Hermione in the Harry Potter films. After I had discussed meal choices
with the flight attendant, she couldn't help asking where I was from,
a question which most likely resulted because of my weird accent.

"I'm from Finland", I said.

"Finland? Oh, right. I've heard a lot of good about your school system.",
she said.

"Is the quality of education good both in public and private schools?", she
asked me.

At this point I realized that I needed to explain her that our school system
is different and we, generally speaking, don't have private schools in
Finland. It was better to explain it immediately, so it wouldn't get too
embarrasing if the conversation continued.

"We don't have that kind of system. All children go to same school.", I told
her.

"Oh? And what school is that?", she asked.

"Elementary, my dear Watson.", I responded in condescending tone.

Two hours later we arrived in Madrid where I took the bus to Toledo. It wasn't
my first time in Spain, but quite often I had wandered through the streets
and visited the local sights that the city had to offer. This time I decided
to do something different. There was a small shop called Burro-For-a-Day which
rented burros to tourists at a reasonable cost. I decided to leave the city
dust behind me and rode to the countryside. The nature was almost untouched.
There were butterflies. I could hear the birds sing and I could swear I
also heard some grasshoppers chirping. It was difficult to put it into
words. I felt it was like a fairyland; never before had I felt such Spain
on my ass.

One evening I got even invited to join a vampire hunt. I thought it was very
weird, but I had never done that before so I decided to join. This vampire
slayer girl told me to come to this ramshackle building in the evening and
bring a stake. It was about 10 o'clock in the evening and I had brought the
juiciest T-bone I could find and I thought she would be super-impressed but
instead I felt like she totally ignored me.

"You can't come inside, since you didn't bring protection.", she started when
I arrived to the spot.

What did she mean by that? I had condoms, but I felt that the sex education
comment was totally uncalled for. After all, we had only spoken about the
vampire hunt. Was there something wrong with the T-bone I had gotten from
the butcher? She did tell me to bring a steak. Or was it possible I had
taken a sentence with singular meaning and my brain had modified her
comment into some dirty double entendre?

I looked at the T-bone and tried to think when I heard her voice again.

"You don't get it, do you? Do I need to show a diagram?", she asked me.

I wasn't listening. I was still trying to think what she had said to me
before. But what did she say to me now?

"Did she say a diaphragm or diagram? Am I making this up?", I wondered,
luckily not out loud.

I couldn't make any sense of this woman. Was she coming on to me or had I
committed some faux pas which made her give me these instructions. I couldn't
tell so I decided to play it cool, but I also wanted to remain tactful. I
tried to come up with something to say which would suit both situations.

"I think I'd prefer a pie chart.", I finally said to her.