Tomorrow as another D-Day approaches we are lifting our jumper cables and
heading to the highway. This highway goes through the terrain that once
the mighty huns treaded or at least those huns who got separated from the pack
and lost their direction somewhere that formerly used to be called Prussia. Of
course not everyone called it Prussia as there were people who spoke different
languages and some people had never even heard of Prussia regardless of the
language that they spoke. Even today there are people who are not aware of all
the locations in the world and there is no reason to believe that this wasn't
the case back in the days as well, which explains why some of these huns lost
their direction somewhere that formerly used to be called Prussia. Of course
not everyone called it Prussia as there were people who spoke different
languages and some people had never even heard of Prussia regardless of the
language that they spoke. Even today there are people who are not aware of all
the locations in the world and there is no reason to believe that this wasn't
the case back in the days as well, which explains why some of these huns lost
their direction somewhere that formerly used to be called Prussia.

Sometimes in superficial serenity on the surface there's a true turmoil
underneath in the abyss waiting to erupt. It is the aleatory nature of life
that transforms harmony into chaos by catapulting the catalysts to produce
the catachreses of meteoric proportions which then decide whether it leads
to a death of a saurus or to a birth of a thesaurus. It is the circle of life
that big moments in history have been a result of a domino effect put forward
by a miniscule force. Take Archimedes of Syracuse who saw his circle of life
coming to an end by a swing of gladius by a Roman legionaire despite of him
requesting his circles not to be disturbed. Centuries later it was the Romans
themselves who were embarrassed by the huns when they sacked Rome. And now
centuries after it is the huns who have been embarrassed by me for staining
their proud legacy in my idiotic text, which for most parts doesn't even get
the facts right. Rome was indeed sacked many times. It was actually sacked
in 410 by the Visigoths, in 455 by the Vandals, in 546 by the Ostrogoths, in
1084 by the Normans and in 1527 by some dudes from the Holy Roman Empire, but
not by the huns. However, it seems like all roads indeed lead to Rome, which
is slightly unfortunate because tomorrow we are heading to Oulu where the
annual Kepucon is taking place. But we will make it work somehow.

Since Oulu is not here we have to use one of the slow teleportation methods
that are at our disposal. We have chosen the car. I know that last time I
said that nothing is as classical as the train, but I have been thinking
this a lot. I mean a lot! What exactly is a train? It is an engine that is
attached to a lot of cars. Car also has an engine because otherwise it
simply doesn't work. That's science, folks. So, it is almost like we are
taking the train. We are staying in a car and it has an engine. And if
this isn't enough to convince you that we're essentially travelling with
a vehicle that sort of is like a train, then I suppose we can arrive late
if you are still not convinced.

At this point you must be bubbling with anticipation who will be arriving
so we will take a look at the cast of players. They may seem ominously
similar to the cast last time, but I assure you that the casting director is
not taking any bribes unless they have considerable monetary value. This
time I have omitted myself from the introductions because you definitely know
me - I'm that stupid fat guy who posts too long walls of text in newsgroups
that nobody wants to read plus you already know that I'm coming as I'm the
one posting the news here. So let's take a look at the other stars.


Name: Heidel
Favourite color for elephant: pink
Favourite drink: pink

Short Biography:

His accurate birth date is not known but some small snippets of information
has been made public of this elusive archwizard. It is known that he worked
as Elijah Wood impersonator from 1986 to 1994 to collect money to buy a ticket
to Kid Rock concert before realizing that he was now too old to attend a
rock concert for kids. He had a normal childhood admiring Benjamin Franklin
for his kite experiment and became interested in creating and flying kites.
In 1988 he was approached by Ruhollah Khomeini and he was offered a position
as his personal kite builder. He built the greatest kites that the 1980s
had ever seen but his short stint came to an abrupt end as Khomeini's
health deteriorated and he died the 3rd of June in 1989. He was succeeded
by Ali Khamenei and for Heidel it came as a shock because Ali Khamenei
preferred to build his own kites.

Heidel never quite fully recovered from the shock and vowed to leave the kite
business for good. He played with remote control helicopters, but he never
truly enjoyed them as much as he enjoyed flying kites. He joined women's
volleyball team to see if flying the ball in air would give him pleasure but
it was to no avail. He was inconsolable. He sought help from several plumbers
but their answers were always the same: "This is not my area of expertise."
He didn't know who to turn to. One day he disappeared. The years went on and
nobody knew about his whereabouts. It was only couple weeks ago when I went to
a local kite flying contest stalking this cute girl who told me that if I ever
talk to her again she'll call the police when I noticed a familiar figure
somewhere far in the background. He was even smaller than some of the
children, but when I started to walk towards him he somehow became bigger.
I knew him before, I thought, and I was right. Heidel was back, flying his
kite and I could see it in his eyes that he had found that spark again that
he had once lost.


Name: Belse
Favourite color for elephant: Fifty shades of grey
Favourite drink: big

Short Biography:

Not many people know but it was Belse's great-great-grandfather who actually
invented the word 'trousers'. It all began in 1670 when his ancient ancestor
Gidemus was born. If this had started five years later, Gidemus would have
been five years old, but sometimes things have a way of going differently.
When Gidemus was thirty-five years old he, like other Scotsmen, wore a kilt -
the Satan's invention that had only one purpose: to make it difficult to
tell the boys apart from the girls from afar. One would stand on a hill
and gaze at the gingers and the towheads wondering if they were all wearing
skirts. This kind of lunacy was everyday life in 17th century Scotland and
the boiling point for Gidemus was when one day he mistook his younger brother
for his wife when they were wearing similar garments. He swore that this
would never happen again and he also swore a lot just in general because of
the embarrassing incident. This was also the period of time when women's
chastity belts were rising in popularity. Some accidents of course happened,
which explains why some of the men were getting in the hype as well.

Gidemus had seen the Englishmen wear these garments that would cover their
legs and buttocks and he wanted the same. One dark night when there was an
English envoy near Edinburgh Gidemus was hiding in the bushes waiting for
the envoy's laundry wench to hang some clothes to dry. After the wench had
gone, Gidemus acted quickly. He stole the wet buttocks-garment and fled to
the night. The next day he needn't wear the kilt. It was a great day for
Gidemus. His friends would look at him jealously but also with a hint of
respect. But something bothered Gidemus. He just didn't know what to call
this new piece of clothing.

Years passed and slowly the Scots were renouncing the kilts and started
manufacturing alternative clothes for men. The legacy of William Wallace was
well known in England and the Scots were feared. Once in a while there would
be an Englishman in Scotland but everytime Gidemus tried to approach them to
ask them what the garment was called they would run away cowering in fear.
Gidemus came up with cunning plans to ambush the Englishmen so that they
couldn't escape, but somehow the tricky Englishmen were able to escape and
some even took matters to their own hands by slitting their throats before
Gidemus would get to them.

The long years went by and Gidemus grew older. He was 60 years old now
and he couldn't be running after Englishmen all his life. His health was
declining and his legacy was almost complete except for the name of that damn
garment. One Christmas morning Gidemus sat on his chair like Ebenezer Scrooge
and then stood up. He took his cane and limped with his gout-ridden feet to
his bookshelf and picked up the nearest book which turned out to be a French
dictionary. Determinedly he opened the book at random and stuck his finger
on a page. He revealed the word under his index finger. It was 'trou' which
meant 'hole' in French. That suited him. One entry hole, and two exit holes.
That was his garment. The trous were born. The word eventually evolved and
became known as 'trousers'. Gidemus had left a legacy that his descendants
including Belse could be proud of. And if Gidemus was alive today I'm sure
he would be proud of the fact that Belse also wears trousers.