Come watch a bardic play "Lesbian Mudder Chicks" tomorrow 19EET in Shadowkeep!

%Narrator coughs noisily.

%Narrator coughs noisily.

%Narrator says 'ahem'

%Narrator says 'hello everyone!'

%Narrator says 'thank you all for coming..'

%Narrator says 'this is Lesbian Mudder Chicks, starring Xortoth and... you know
who '

%Narrator says 'i hope you enjoy the show!'

%Narrator says 'Xortoth is playing batmud on his laptop in his tiny
apartment.'

%Xortoth says 'man, i've been waiting for an exp party all day..'

%Xortoth says 'my stormfall axes wont stfu, and i'm almost out of drugs to
sell!'

%Xortoth says 'wanted: anyone need hitter?'

%Xortoth says 'wanted: You listen to the crickets in the ensuing silence.'

%Xortoth sighs deeply.

%Xortoth says 'there's no point idling here any longer'

%Xortoth says 'i guess i should just go out and get a drink at the pub'

%Xortoth says 'i better put on my flashy clothes..'

%Xortoth says 'you never know who i might meet there tonight!'

%Narrator says 'Xortoth stops by at a gas station to meet his last customer of
the day before heading to his favorite pub, "Asteroid".'

%Narrator says 'Xortoth stops by at a gas station to meet his last customer of
the day before heading to his favorite pub, "Asteroid".'

%Xortoth says 'oh my god! i can't believe how many people there are here
tonight'

%Xortoth says 'there's a group of cute girls at the bar..'

%Xortoth says 'i think i'm going to go talk to them!'

%Xortoth walks next to a group of three girls, then leans on the bar.

%Xortoth looks over at the girls, flashing a bright smile.

%Xortoth says 'hey guys, I have to leave in just a few minutes..'

%Xortoth says 'but the craziest thing just happened'

%Girls turn their heads to face Xortoth.

%Blonde says 'uh.. what?'

%Xortoth leans back a bit, displaying disinterest.

%Xortoth says 'i just got off the phone with this girl I'm seeing'

%Xortoth says 'and it's just crazy how she got really mad at me'

%Xortoth says 'for basically no reason at all..'

%Brunette thinks for a moment.

%Brunette says 'okay?'

%Xortoth says 'Well, she's in Europe for the summer..'

%Xortoth says 'but I just finished talking to her on the phone'

%Xortoth says 'and I said "okay I'll talk to you soon"..'

%Xortoth says 'cuz, i like to say "soon" rather than "later"'

%Goth says 'Hmmm...'

%Girls look at each other nervously.

%Xortoth says 'The point is, she was telling me how she wants me to say'

%Xortoth says '"goodbye"..'

%Xortoth says 'then wait for her to say goodbye..'

%Xortoth says 'and then say "goodbye" again!'

%Xortoth says 'Isn't that crazy?'

%Girls smirk.

%Brunette says 'huh, i guess that is kinda weird..'

%Xortoth leans forward towards girls, squinting.

%Xortoth opens his eyes wide in astonishment.

%Xortoth says 'woah hold on a moment... I can't believe it!'

%Girls seem slightly interested.

More (30%) [qpbns?]

%Girls says 'Huh? what are you talking about?'

%Xortoth grins.

%Xortoth points to the goth girl in the middle.

%Xortoth says 'You look just like this girl I used to know in high school!'

%Girls giggle inanely.

%Goth smiles happily.

%Goth says 'really? what was she like?'

%Narrator says 'It wasn't long before Xortoth made friends with the girls,
using secret Pickup Artist tactics he had learned from his grandfather, one of
the greatest PUA's in history.'

%Narrator says 'At one point, he asked the girls if he could talk to the cute
goth girl for just a few minutes, alone.'

%Narrator says 'Naturally, they were more than happy to let Xortoth talk to
Astralji alone, as long as he didn't walk out on her!'

%Narrator says 'They sit together in a quiet corner of the bar.'

%Xortoth says 'Wow, so you're an actress! That's so cool!'

%Xortoth says 'Oh my god, I love that. C'mere..'

%Xortoth gives Astralji a big hug, then puts his arm around her.

%Astralji smiles happily.

%Astralji says 'Aww thank you, I really love it.'

%Astralji says 'You know, I get to be like somebody different every day..'

%Xortoth lets go of Astralji, and playfully pushes her away.

%Xortoth says 'Alright alright get off me..'

%Xortoth goes 'Heh'.

%Astralji giggles inanely.

%Xortoth smirks.

%Xortoth says 'Oh by the way! I was just playing this really cool game'

%Xortoth says 'It's called Batmud... You ever heard of it?'

%Astralji goes 'hmmmm' for a moment.

%Astralji says 'Batmud? No I dont think so.. is it like, batman?'

%Xortoth gasps in astonishment.

%Xortoth says 'What!! Jeeze I Can't believe it.. I thought you were cool!'

%Xortoth shakes his head.

%Astralji eeps!

%Astralji says 'I'm sorry! Please tell me about it!'

%Astralji smiles eagerly.

%Xortoth PUUHs.

%Xortoth says 'Okay, well, it's this REALLY cool game.'

%Xortoth says 'It's one of those really old style games'

%Xortoth says 'where there are no graphics'

%Xortoth says 'it's all text based!'

%Xortoth says 'And you have to really get into it in order to grow in levels
and gain massive power!'

%Astralji scratches her head.

%Astralji says 'So, kinda like World of Warcraft?'

%Xortoth says 'Psh! WoW is nothing compared to Batmud.'

%Xortoth says 'This is a 20+ year old game'

%Xortoth says 'with so many secrets that the highest level players have
FORGOTTEN more than most players know about it.'

%Astralji gasps in amazement!

%Astralji says 'Wow, that's kinda crazy actually..'

%Astralji smiles happily.

%Xortoth leans in toward Astralji.

%Xortoth whispers 'Yeah, and you know what I'm gonna do to you?'

%Xortoth grins evilly.

%Astralji giggles curiously.

%Astralji whispers 'Hehe, what's that?'

More (60%) [qpbns?]

%Xortoth glances around, looking a little paranoid.

%Xortoth grins seductively at Astralji.

%Xortoth whispers 'I'm gonna take you home..'

%Xortoth shouts '..and I'm gonna create a character for you!'

%Astralji goes 'Ooooo...'.

%Astralji says 'Wow, really? That would actually be pretty cool!'

%Astralji says 'Let's go! I'll kick your ass in batmud!'

%Xortoth smirks.

%Xortoth says 'You don't even know...'

%Narrator says 'So the two of them go back to Xortoth's apartment, and soon
enough Astralji and Xortoth are making good rate in Butterfly Farm, Bunny
Valley, and School of Lumine.'

%Narrator says 'A week goes by, and Astralji has become level 50 Mage.'

%Narrator says 'One day, during an eq party, things get a bit awkward. Let's
take a look at what happens.'

%Narrator says 'Krissy [party]: Ok this next mob is pretty big...'

%Narrator says 'Krissy [party]: Can I get a fabs?'

%Narrator says 'Astralji [report]: Force Absorption -> Krissy'

%Narrator says '[party]: Krissy kisses Astralji.'

%Narrator says '[party]: Astralji giggles inanely.'

%Narrator says '[party]: Astralji licks Krissy's face.'

%Narrator says '[party]: Xortoth cocks his head to the side and mutters
'umm...'.'

%Narrator says '[party]: Astralji blushes to a deep crimson.'

%Narrator says '[party]: Xortoth smirks.'

%Narrator says 'Krissy [report]: Crying -> Amazon'

%Narrator says 'It was nothing... but, Xortoth had been noticing that Astralji
had been partying with him less and less, and instead had been partying with
another mudder, Krissy.'

%Narrator says 'After the party, Xortoth confronted Astralji.'

%Xortoth says 'You've been partying with Krissy a lot.'

%Astralji says 'Yeah.. She's a good crimsobarb, we make a good team.'

%Xortoth says 'Well, I just feel like, I dunno. Weird about it.'

%Astralji says 'Aww, are you jealous?'

%Xortoth says 'Why would I be jealous? Krissy is a girl.'

%Astralji says 'Oh...'

%Xortoth says 'Is there something you're not telling me?'

%Astralji says 'Cmon.. Don't do this.'

%Xortoth says 'Let me see your last tells to you.'

%Astralji says 'Xortoth, please..'

%Narrator says '(06:35) Krissy tells you 'omg that was so awesome''

%Narrator says '(06:35) Krissy tells you 'you make me feel so loved''

%Narrator says '(06:47) @Krissy plays with your hair.'

%Narrator says '(06:48) Krissy tells you 'we need to hit up Fairie Forest
together''

%Narrator says '(06:49) Krissy tells you '''

%Narrator says '(06:49) @Krissy puts her fingers to your mouth and whispers 'I
Love You'.'

%Narrator says '(06:49) @Krissy kisses you all over playfully.'

%Narrator says '(06:50) Krissy tells you 'Hey! I found something I want to give
you''

%Narrator says '(06:51) @Krissy blows a kiss to you.'

%Narrator says '(06:52) Krissy tells you 'come meet me at vlad''

%Xortoth says '...'

%Astralji looks sheepish.

%Astralji says 'I can explain..'

%Xortoth says 'You're a lesbian..'

%Astralji says 'I'm sorry! I just...'

%Astralji says 'I thought you knew!'

%Xortoth says 'Woah...'

More (90%) [qpbns?]

%Astralji says 'Please Xortoth I don't want this'

%Xortoth says 'Wait, no... You don't get it do you?'

%Astralji sniffs sadly.

%Astralji says 'What do you mean?'

%Xortoth says 'You're a hot lesbian mudder chick.'

%Astralji blinks her eyes.

%Xortoth says 'You're a legendary, hot lesbian mudder chick!'

%Astralji says 'I don't understand..'

%Xortoth says 'Ha! Cmon Astralji, let's go grab a drink..'

%Narrator says 'Well, that's the end of the story.'

%Narrator says 'I hope you learned your lesson:'

%Narrator says 'Hot lesbian mudder chicks exist.'

%Narrator says 'They're all around you.'

%Narrator says 'Guess what?'

%Narrator says 'They're lesbians.'

%Narrator says 'Happy mudding!'