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Library: It's Tarken's Fault


Author: azura
Date:Mar 16 2009

Tarken strolled leisurely into the hall of wizards, congratulating himself on
achieving immortalhood. He hauntingly looked around the room and 
spotted Zonni muttering to himself alone in a corner. A hint of a smirk
appeared on Tarken's face. He said, "Ah, my friend Zonni. It is GOOD to be 
a wizard! Did you know that I have taken the liberty to join every single
guild know to mortals? I am ALL POWERFUL! I am LORD TARKEN! I bet I can 
even take you on."

Zonni seemed to snap out of whatever's troubling him and returned a cold
stare. The room had suddenly gone very quite. Neither Tarken nor Zonni 
moved in a contest not to blink.

Suddenly Tarken disappeared. There are neither loud crackles of air nor any
flashes of light. He just simply faded into the shadows. Seeing, or not 
seeing this, Zonni started chanting quietly. "Haii!" came a deafening shout as
Tarken popped into existence behind Zonni and shredded the air 
towards him. Tarken's attack caught on an invisible force field just inches
away from Zonni's head. Instantly dropping low, Tarken backspins and 
swept Zonni legs off the floor. Even as Zonni falls towards the floor, his
clothing changed. Flowing velvet robes hardened into leather and steel, 
shaping itself into traditional body armours. Two HUGE axes made of diamonds
shimmered into Zonni's hand and caught on fire as he let out a war 
cry, "FOR GROO!". Rolling out of the fall, Zonni instantly launched into a
flurry of attacks. Tarken, realizing that's his puny fists are no match 
for an enraged barbarian, executed a series of back flips to get out of harm's
way and buy himself time. Zonni, planning to chop Tarken into tiny 
pieces, again charged after him. Calmly staring into Zonni's crazed eyes,
Tarken extended his right hand, and a druid's staff made of ebony 
appeared. He inscribed the runes '# !#' onto the floor. Flowing mud appeared
at Tarken's command. Zonni charged straight into the mud and got 
stuck. Every struggle only seemed to sink Zonni further into the mud.

Tarken visibly relaxed. He smugly said, "Zonni, Zonni, Zonni, you have gone
soft from all those years of idleness." Tarken slowly takes out his 
famous abacus and an evil glint appeared in his eyes, "But I, LORD TARKEN, in
my suffering in the mortal realm, has gained a power so great, not 
even YOU can stop me!"

Zonni is coming out of his killing frenzy and realized what's going on, he
said, "NO, you won't DARE to use THAT!"

"But, oh yeeess"

Tarken stared lecturing Zonni on the economics of batmud.

Zonni screamed, "No! Make it stop. Tarken, you will pay dearly for this."

Ignoring Zonni's plea, Tarken changed his lecture to the finer points of
identifying mineral deposits, and Zonni's eyes started to go red.
Tarken says, "Man! This attack tires me out too much."

To Zonni's horror, Tarken takes out a robot who automatically resumed Tarken's
lecture. Zonni finally lost it. With a blood curdling scream. A 
shimmering energy bubble exploded around him and started to expand. Wherever
the bubble touched, strange things happened. A chair twisted into life 
and started humping a desk. Torches on the wall grew into a group of worms
with flaming heads and started to build miniature pyramids. Some other 
unfortunate objects simply melted or turned into dust.

Tarken, not being an idiot, fled into the mortal world. Unfortunately, the
strange energy followed him. In the city of Arelium, all the guards turn 
into pink elephants with flapping wings. Pigeons grew into dragons and snacked
on adventurers. Outside, simple grasses grew into ancient towering 
trees and withered in seconds. Apes evolved ego and destroyed each other in
the blink of an eye. Finally, the universe is unable to contain any 
more of this havoc. The world imploded on itself with a audible 'pop'.
Zonni poked his head out from the hall of wizards. Seeing the destroyed world,
he sighed and said, "Aww, I did it again!". Zonni shuffled to a dark 
corner and went back to his depressed sulking.

(Note from author: What I'm trying to say is, blame Tarken for crashes.)