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Library: Life of a Bat-salesman


Author: azura
Date:Mar 18 2009

This is the play Azura performed in the Bard's Guild.

<Ghost enter stage>
-Hello everyone, I'm Onegrass from the land far too the south.
-I was just a poor insurance salesman. Life insurance to be exact.
-Then i heard about this land of plenty, where even the bunnies and pigeons
carry piles of silver and gold.
-As a added bonus. There's those idiots called "adv-van-trousers" who keeps
dropping dead from iron poisoning like fireplies.
-So i hopped on the first ship this ways and here I am, telling you about my
-When i first stepped off the ferry, I was given this "tell" thingie. What a
wonderful gadget. It's like a cellphone with unlimited minutes.
-so i thought, why don't i start my business with tell-e-marketing?
-I opened up the W.H.O directory.
-What does W.H.O stand for anyways? World's Hamster Organization? I could
never understand your foreign ways.
-Anyways, doing things alphabetical, I placed a tell to Azura.
-I must say Azura is the most beautiful female I have ever seen. Even though I
can't see her.
-I was so lost in her beauty I forgot to introduce my payment plans.
-After my failure. I decided to seek out the master of tell-e-marketing and
ask for guidance.
-So i went to see Shasti. You know, the nice lady here in the city, always
standing by the fountain?
-What I didn't count on was her being a complete loon!
-No matter what I say, she would just ignore me and accuse me of not being
-I must admit that I lost my temper and called her a...
-No, I'm too embarassed to say it now
-Anyways, that crazy woman attacked me! and i sliped on the floor in my
attempt to talk reason into her.
-After I woke up from SLIPING, I found myself in heaven.
-Wierd thing is, I'v alwayed imagined heaven being a lot more... room
temperatued, without all those horned youths around.
-Really, there are no more standards nowadays. They just let everyone in.
-So there I was, enjoying my after life, and my tell started going off like
crazy! I would barely have time to answer one when another popped up.
-Those Tar-man-lions would try to sell me rais and ress, what ever those are.
One even tried to sell me a new body. How kinky!
-It is then that I realized who the real master of tell-e-marketing is.
-I can't wait until one of them is dead so They can join me in heaven, so i
can have some really nice people who aren't annoying at all to talk to and
share my eternal afterlife with.
<Ghost exit stage>