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Library: Secret of the clones


Author: erygon
Date:Nov 25 2014

Erygon and Cipher are sitting in a room, planning for their upcoming play.
Erygon says 'Maybe we should do a Monty Python sketch, those are always
Cipher says 'Nah, who wants to see spanish inquisition for the millionth
Suddenly doors slam open!
Kruu says 'Help, the clones are coming!'
Erygon says 'I didn't expect that.'
Magical wave flows through the room and suddenly there is two of everyone.
Erygon(clone) shouts 'Nobody expects um.. clones! Now die!'
After furious battle, clones are dead, except for Kruu's clone who seems to be
very powerful.
Kruu shouts 'It has true heal and it resists everything I got!'
Erygon says 'Don't worry, we may be merchants, but we have some tricks on our
Erygon shoots magic missile at Kruu.
Magic missile hits Kruu and does minimal damage.
Kruu shouts 'Hey, don't shoot at me! He is the clone!'
Erygon says 'Oh.'
Kruu says 'Can't you tell from his hollow, soulless eyes?'
Kruu points at Kruu.
Erygon shouts 'Take this you clone-man!'
Erygon yells Noituloves dischord at Kruu.
Kruu jumps away and dodges the dischord.
Kruu shouts 'Oh come on! I told you, I'm not the clone!'
Erygon says 'I was sure it was some clone trickery.'
Kruu(clone) sighs.
Kruu(clone) says 'You guys suck, I'm out.'
Kruu(clone) teleports away.
Kruu says 'Great, now we have to go kill it.'
Cipher says 'Or you could wait and let the highbies kill it?'
Kruu says 'But what if they don't kill it? Haven't you heard the story about
the undead clone that comes to haunt you?'
Erygon says 'I think that is just a rumour.'
Kruu says 'No! When you sleep in your castle at night, the undead clone will
roam the halls and take your eq!'
Cipher says 'Are you sure thats not just..'
Kruu says 'Shh! Don't mention her name!'
Erygon rolls his eyes.
Erygon says 'Even if it's just the-one-we-won't-mention stealing your eqs, a
trip to clonemaster might give us good material for the play.'
Cipher says 'I agree and we need some exercise after sitting here for days.'
Kruu says 'Yeah, lets teleport to the clonemaster!'
Boys travel through time and space and appear in front of a huge mountain.
Cipher says 'Alright, we are here. Time to kick some clone ass!'
Erygon says 'I have never been here, is that the front gate?'
Kruu says 'I suppose, lets go find out.'
Erygon says 'Good thing they left the gate open.'
Kruu says 'I think there is something at the end of this hallway.'
Erygon says 'There seems to be some glass containers in it.'
Cipher says 'Hmm, are those players?'
Kruu says 'I think so, that one looks like ?erthon.'
Erygon says 'I recognize many of these people, but they look so young.'
Kruu shouts 'Hey, I found you!'
Kruu says 'Haha, you look like such a noob.'
Erygon says 'Wow, It really is me.'
Kruu says 'Look at your pale skin, did you ever go outside?'
Erygon says '..well hrm..'
Kruu says 'And that 50 strength, you couldn't even kill a butterfly.'
Erygon shouts 'Ok, ok, that was a long time ago!'
Cipher says 'Um, guys, there is someone in there.'
Cipher points at the man in the middle of the room.
Guardian says 'Welcome, you must be the mighty clonehunters!'
Cipher says 'Yes, we are hunting a clone.'
Guardian says 'Good, you can complete your quest and destroy all the clones,
by pressing this button.'
Guardian motions towards a stand which has green button on it
Erygon says 'That sounds easy, lets press it!'
Kruu says 'Wait, why do you have all these players stored here?'
Guardian says 'Oh, no-one has ever asked that.'
Guardian thinks for a moment.
Guardian says 'Are you sure you don't want to just press this button?'
Cipher says 'No, I want to know why you have young versions of the players
stored here.'
Guardian sighs.
Guardian says 'This event is not as perfect as one might think.'
Guardian says 'Long time ago, when it was crafted, the creator made one
Guardian says 'You see, original idea was to duplicate player and send the
clone to kill the player.'
Guardian says 'But creator wanted to store backup copy of the player in case
something goes wrong.'
Guardian says 'The problem is that on the first run it stores player as a
backup and sends clone to the world.'
Guardian says 'So there is no player and clone continues to function.'
Kruu says 'Are you saying that we are clones and those are our original
Guardian says 'Yeah, system makes backup only if there is no backup, so all
these years we have been cloning clones.'
Guardian says 'Kinda funny if you think about it.'
Kruu says 'No it's not! I don't want to be a clone!'
Guardian nods.
Guardian says 'I thought so. Luckily there is a way to fix this.'
Guardian says 'I made bugfix when I first discovered the problem, but I never
got around to install it.'
Guardian says 'Nobody even noticed that they were clones and I hate to do
extra work.'
Cipher says 'They will know now! We are going to sing songs about it!'
Guardian says 'Well, I guess it's about time to set things straight.'
Guardian motions towards another stand with red button on it.
Guardian says 'You may install the fix by pressing this button.'
Guardian says 'But beware, everyone will be send to their original bodies!'
Erygon says 'Um, that means we are going to lose all our exp?'
Cipher says 'We and everybody else.'
Kruu thinks for a moment.
Kruu says 'To be honest, I'm kinda happy being a clone.'
Erygon says 'Yeah, let's not press that button.'
Maraqita walks in from the shadows.
Maraqita says 'Good evening, gentleman.'
Erygon shouts 'Maraqita! My worst enemy! What are you doing here?'
Maraqita strokes his pet lizard and moves toward the red button.
Lizard flicks its tongue.
Maraqita says 'Would be awful if someone were to press this button.'
Maraqita grins and moves his finger around the button.
Erygon shouts 'Don't do it! You will become noob also!'
Maraqita says 'Hah, I made sure that I will keep my clone body and I will
become most powerful player on the mud!'
Lizard climbs on Maraqitas shoulder, close to his ear.
Maraqita is still for a moment, he seems to nod at something.
Maraqita shouts 'Digga bunnies are calling!'
Maraqita leans at the stand and pushes the button with both hands.
Darkness ..
I am alive.
I am in a tube.
I can't breath.
Must find a lever..
Suddenly floor gives away and I fall down.
I hear voices, 'What was that? Where are we?
I remember.
Somebody shouts 'I'm level 12, and what the hell is this?'
Somebody shouts 'Where is my exp?'
I run towards the center, where people have already gathered.
Maraqita shouts 'I am the archmortal now!'
Somebody says 'Did he do this?'
Somebody shouts 'Kill him!'
Somebody says 'Hey, calm down everyone! We have backups, I think.'
Somebody says 'You are not the archwizard anymore! You are lvl30 orc!'
Somebody says 'Oh fuck, this is bad'
Somebody says 'We may be noobs, but there is 50 of us! Let's kill that
Maraqita kills 3 players with one hit.
Maraqita shouts 'You are no match to me!'
Somebody shouts 'Rush! We can take him!'
Cipher shouts 'Wait! It's not Maraqita who did this!'
Cipher shouts 'Look at that lizard!'
Cipher says 'It's been whispering to his ear all this time.'
Somebody shouts 'That's crazy, lizards can't talk, you stupid crazy man!'
Cipher says 'It's true, isn't it? You want to be the leader!'
Lizard looks at the crowd and flicks it's tongue.
Lizard says 'It doesssn't matter at thisss point!'
Lizard says 'He isss more powerful than all you combined and I'm controlling
Lizard says 'Eldersss and eternalsss are looking down on me, like they are
sssomething ssspecial.'
Lizard says 'And I can't rebirth, becaussse I would lose too much exp.'
Lizard flicks it's tongue.
Lizard shouts 'Kill them all!'
Maraqita stands still.
Cipher shouts 'Fight it Maraqita, you can do it!'
Lizard looks at Maraqita.
Lizard says 'Raissse that damn sssword and beat them down.'
Maraqita shouts 'No! I won't do it!'
Maraqita grabs lizard by the tail.
Maraqita says 'Hah, got you.'
Lizard twists it's body and suddenly it gets free.
Lizard runs like mad to the wall and dives into a small crack.
Maraqita is left with part of it's tail.
Maraqita says 'I should have known that.'
Cipher says 'Don't worry, it's important that we are safe now.'
Somebody shouts 'That won't bring my exp back!'
Somebody says 'Nobody has admin rights, we are all just mortals now.'
Somebody says 'What the hell are we going to do now?'
Somebody shouts 'W: 2 tanks and tarma for exp!'
The end.

Performed as a bard play by Cipher, Erygon and Cork.