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Library: The Lorenchian Sweeper


Author: nyriori
Date:Mar 6 2021

The Lorenchian Sweeper

Street sweepers have a way of seeming annoyed no matter what they're doing, 
and those of Lorenchia are no exception.  Most of them know better than to 
say anything, but being surrounded constantly by adventurers who want 
nothing more than to massacre the local townsfolk has made the lot of them
more than a bit antisocial - had the chief sweeper not taught the others the 
banish spell, the same fate would have befallen the sweepers as well, and 
they all knew it.  So, they would try to focus on their job, which usually 
consisted of disposing of the worldly possessions that their fellow citizens 
were forced to no longer have any use for, taking pride in the idea that at 
least they could say they do their jobs well.  This plan worked quite nicely 
until the arrival of a certain catfolk merchant, one that seemed determined 
to rob the sweepers of their professional dignity.

At first, the sweepers thought she was just there to do business - after all, 
this was the capital city of Lucentium and the shops were well known for 
having a wide variety of trade goods.  To their dismay, however, her focus 
seemed to be entirely on one thing: picking up every single piece of gear 
and trash that had been left behind by the regular pillaging of the town.  
It didn't matter what it was - tools, weapons, personal effects, clothing, 
literally everything was scooped up on a regular basis and sorted to one 
purpose or another, and by the look of it, the vast majority went to a use 
other than filling a trash can.  Whether it was the speed, the obvious 
skills involved or just the sheer intensity of her tours through the streets 
of Lorenchia, the sweepers could only find one reaction to it: utter 
embarassment. None of them had ever managed to clean the city up nearly as 
well as this merchant could, and they dearly hoped no-one would notice how 
much better she was at it.

Recognizing the threat to his position, the chief sweeper had a mind to tell 
the merchant to leave.  That idea quickly died however after he witnessed her 
turning into a four-tentacled chaos spawn when trying to pick up an enormous 
harp, which left him with no appetite to confront her.  Realizing that he 
didn't really know what he was dealing with, he instead resorted to using 
what few political connections he had to find some other way of convincing 
her that Lorenchia really wasn't worth her time.  Assessing his options, he 
finally decided on the only one that he thought might work: he commissioned 
a member of the Spider guild to ambush her and show her what a REAL demon was 
like... or so he thought at the time.

The Spider arrived and summoned a demon to possess himself, binding it with 
his own blood.  Screaming in agony, he attempted to channel its power in a 
display of ferocity that, he was certain, would frighten this merchant into 
leaving for safer scavenging grounds.  Unfortunately, he misspoke the words 
of the binding spell, and fumbled: in a flash, the demon exploded out of 
his body (sending it to hell in the process) and somehow found a way to 
manifest directly on the street, growing larger and larger by the moment 
until it reached a truly MEGA size.  Raising its forelegs and expanding its 
mandibles, it skittered towards the merchant from behind... only to have 
her turn at the last moment as she moved to pick up another piece of 
clothing off to her side.  Narrowing her eyes, she invoked a prayer to 
Azzarak, her body shifting into a noticeably more menacing (and tentacled) 
form as she prepared for battle.

Then, however, she stopped, and suddenly grew excited.

Wait, wait!  No, this is perfect!  I've finally found one after all these 

The Spider demon stopped, confusion growing in its mind.  Clearly its 
attempt at intimidation wasn't going as planned.

You have to be the most MEGA spider demon that's ever existed!  Just wait 
right there, I have someone you need to meet!"

It would be fair to say that, at least metaphorically, a huge question mark 
was floating over the Spider demon's head at this point, but lacking any 
better plan, it decided to wait.

Then, not long after, the merchant returned, along with someone else, that 
for some odd reason looked like a blond-haired male human wearing a nurse's 

See?  SEE?  I told you I'd find one for you eventually.  This is 
definitely a MEGA spider demon!"

The nurse nodded, grinning widely... and what then transpired between him 
and that Spider demon is something that no words can describe, except to 
say, it was a very, very long time coming.

From the nearby shadows, the chief sweeper looked on with horror, 
realizing that the best he was able to do was nowhere near good enough in 
this matter, and more than that, he really didn't have any idea what just 
happened, further proving that he was never going to understand what this 
inscrutably efficient merchant was all about.  Dispirited beyond compare, 
he decided to book the next ship passage out of Lorenchia for somewhere 
that no merchant would ever want to go (he hoped), and as he boarded the 
ship, he couldn't help but admit to himself that at the very least, 
Lorenchia would be kept clean by she who had clearly been his replacement 
all along.