Library: Guide to Parenting

Guide to single parenting ------------------------ When going places, always try to take your kid with you if at all possible. A big no-no is hiring a babysitter, you never really know who your dealing with. Never force her to be left out just b'cos she's a kid, but also make sure she understands that once she gets there she's staying as long as you are. Don't let the TV / Nintendo babysit her either. I'd recommend not getting a TV at all, or limiting your kids TV-watching time to less than 3 hours a week or so. When traveling or going anywhere, make sure you take something for her to do, or make her bring something to do. It is really annoying having a bored kid follow you around everywhere. If you give your kids an allowance, don't give them too much. Only like $5.00 or $10.00 a week. Don't give it as a reward for good behavior, that reinforces the idea of money being "important". If anything, the only thing money can do is teach them discipline. Don't even bother spanking your kid. And teach her how to fight back against adults that do spank or mistreat her. Don't bother punishing your kid for something you do. Like don't say "shit" and expect her not to, and then punish her if she does. If you steal, don't punish her for stealing, it just makes a double standard, and "punishment" becomes meaningless and arbitrary. Teach your kid to ignore what people say and to analyze or judge people ONLY by what they do, not what they say. The drill to continually yell insults at each other is not something I'd recommend, this goes too far for most kids. You have to be willing to spend lots of time with your kid. Eventually she will get her own friends and have pleanty to do, but its important that kids know that if they're friends go away you are always there for them. Don't let your kids play BAT, the environment here is too "cuttthroat" for someone that young. Plus don't play BAT so much you don't have enough time to spend with your kids. Don't feel "left out" if your kid runs off with her friends. Also, don't try to "approve" her friends and tell her "you can be friends with" or "you can't be friends with" so-and-so. But also use discretion, make sure they understand the issues that they deal with when the pick friends. Make sure other adults that invite you understand that your kid is part of your family and you aren't going to leave her at home so you can be alone with them. Even with dates and other things, your kid is much more important than any potential friend. Always make sure your kid understands the "why" of not doing something, children are very good at attribution-association. If you continually tell them not to do things but don't tell them why, they'll eventually develop misconceptions about your reasons for telling them not to. If your kid bosses others around or is a jerk to other kids, understand that intervention is a last resort. You need to try to stay out of the situation and encourage her and the others to get along, trying to "force" her to be nice to people she probably doesn't like for good reason isn't advised. Always make sure you listen to her explanation for what she did/does before you decide to try to intervene. If you kid is being mistreated / bullied by other kids, get her to talk about the problems before intervening also. Also, when you do intervene, do it quickly and without mercy. Make sure that you remember your original intention, to stop the mistreatment, and don't take it too far, like revenge for what they did to your kid. Just make sure you get her permission first, if your indicisive and wishy-washy you'll likely make more of a problem and cause more trauma over it to your kid. Try to avoid "hard" or "absolute" rules. Always try to solve things with your kid by communication first, imposing a rule and saying "This is how it is, stop whining" just encourages more (see before). Hmm, I can't think up much more off the top of my head, I'm already starting to repeat myself, so that's it.

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Library: Guide to Parenting