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Library: The Tale of the Unfortunate Newbie

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Author: Yari
Date:Feb 4 1996

   Once upon a time, there was this baaaad newbie, who wanted 
nothing more than to sit on four kills, and never do anything new.  
The newbie was sitting there idling, waiting patiently for the 
reset, as only a newbie can do, when one day, a large and ill-
reputed cyclops wandered by.  He looked at the newbie and said, 
"Praytell, young newbie, what are you doing, just idling here?  
Surely there is something more interesting to do?"
   The newbie looked around and said, "What, huh?  Oh, sorry was 
idle(as usual), uh, see there are these 4 monsters that reset around 
here, and I do *so* like to kill them, so I am waiting."
   Well, the cyclops thought a moment (well 2 moments, cyclops 
aren't the fastest thinkers, you see...) and then abruptly turned 
and whispered to something that the newbie was unable to see.  A 
chant began, emitting seemingly out of the thin air.  The cyclops 
turned back to the newbie and said, "Noobie, you are hereby 
condemned to a life of being cheese.  You act like it, your actions 
smell like it, and therefore, I pass sentence.  This may teach you 
something someday."
   The chanting stopped, and an elf materialized out of thin air!  
The newbie felt an odd sensation...and looked down to see his body 
turning to cheese!  The cyclops then turned again and whispered to 
the elf.  The elf grinned and became lost in thought.  The cyclops 
turned, and with a wry wink, licked the newbie.  The elf stopped 
concentrating, opened his eyes and said "og".
   The newbie suddenly found himself transported to a room full of 
all manner of vermin, rats and mice and other furry denizens of the 
dark underground, who began at once to nibble on his toes.  Only the 
rodents know what screams emitted from the newbie's cheesy mouth, 
what promises he made to god, to the devil, to whatever deity may 
have been listening, and to this day, it is rumored that if you 
idle in the wrong place, you can still smell the faint whiff of
cheese...



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