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Library: The Raspberry Crusades - Year 15 before Strawberry


Author: culran
Date:Apr 13 2003

Well, fellow listeners, consider this your lucky day!
I'm really on my way to a very important and significant gathering at 
the BatCity conference of Idling Professionals... BUT since my presence
here in Shadowkeep should not go completely unnoticed, I have decided
to give you a short but suitable tale.
After all, a bard aiming as high as me should never miss an opportunity
to polish his trade.

The story begins in a different world than ours, yet a world very alike
the one known by you. A world of happines, a world of sorrow. A world of
beauty, a world of ugliness. The inhabitants was very similiar to us too...
Well I guess you could say this might as well have been our own beloved realm.
There was one difficulty though. Well, one of many ofcourse, but this was not
a mere inconvenience, this was in fact a threat against all living creatures
of this world.

Without caring for the consequenses, which would show to be utterly severe,
the residents had eaten every single raspberry and killed every single
raspberry-bush growing in the realms!

"So?" you might wonder, and rightfully so.

Let me explain.
As every bard of any class knows, raspberries are not only considered a
delicacy in this world, but is also a significant part of the universal
economy. The lack of raspberries both in bellys and on the financial market
rather soon led to the situation where something really had to be done.
One clever little denizen soon came up with an answer to the trouble after
much reasoning and contemplation. After sharing his ideas with the head
council, an expedition was arranged to gather as much raspberries as possible
from nearby worlds. By any means, force would be used whenever necessary as
long as new raspberries could be harvested.
The most renowned adventurers, toughest warriors and famous intellectuals were
summoned and informed of the current situation and what had to be done,
violently or not. Even the slowest of the slow understood that there were no
alternatives. Everyone knew the importance of the existance of raspberries, so
the intended expedition soon grew into a crusade. Tens of thousands was sent
off, aiming for the first of several neighbouring targets.
The crusaders soon discovered the unpleasant fact that their situation was not
unique in any way. All the worlds they traveled to, was left in ruins after
not providing what the crusaders so eagerly sought. At first, the imposers
believed raspberries were hidden and refused them, but after destroying one
world after another with no result, the suspiciousness turned to actuality.
Actuality though, is not always reality for a crusading force upon a quest for
what they believed something they could not return without. The only way to
truly know if rasberries were entirely extinct, was to keep on searching.
Until there were nowhere else to search. Until there were no more worlds to
destroy, but their own.

Ofcourse, the crusaders had to return empty handed and dispirited eventually.

Upon returning home, the crusading force realized the situation had almost
grown out of control. When people no longer could rely on public service
providing the raspberries needed for everyday life, they soon tended to take
care of the difficulties in their own way.
Streets filled with rampaging citizens was a common sight, demonstration
processions and organized underground movements flourished. People wanted
their raspberries for themselves, and the financial market needed a steady
flow to stay balanced. The very foundations of society was built upon the
existance of raspberries, and as time slowly went on, it was getting painfully
obvious that this last world of the living would not survive for long.
Where hope had left almost everyone, it did live on in a small group of
faithful and insistent students living in one of the towns that had suffered
the most from the lack of raspberries. They refused to accept the fact that
there did not exist any replacement that could work as well (and taste as
good) as the raspberries had done for ages. The students felt they had the key
to the problem within their reach, hence the little remaining streak of hope.
As no other group trying to solve the situation had done, the students focused
on taste. What could be as good as raspberries with icecream, raspberries with
pancakes and cream or plain simple raspberries with milk and sugar? This was
the kind of questions they struggeled, and struggle they did! For years they
tried different delicious meals and tasty desserts. Creamy bluberry pies,
chocolade icecream with cloudberry sauce, lucious applepie flavoured with
vanilla sauce, all kinds of fluffy cakes with berries and cream and everything
else you can imagine.
As all you dessertlovers understand, they finally found what they were looking
for. It took them many a filled stomach and content burps, sweat and hard
work, but they did it. One late night, when finishing a hard day at the
desserts lab benefiting the world, a couple of young, brave students realized
that nothing could beat plain simple vanilla icecream with fresh and saucy
strawberries on top. Nothing! Not even raspberries!
The following day the eager students announced their discovery. People were
amazed! Such bravery and hard work had not been seen since the old golden age
of blueberries! Only true genius would come up with the brilliant solution of
converting to strawberries. The world was saved!

Yes, there you have it. Truly an unbelivable tale, but it is true, i swear!
Come to think of it, I think it's time for my daily bowl of icecream. I'll
save some of the strawberries for later though, you'll never now when there's
a worldwide crisis coming next time!

Culran Zorander, second day of Rozgayn of the year 654 (Strawberry-age)