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Library: The legend about decanter of wealth


Author: rapidfire
Date:Apr 22 2003

  The legend about decanter of wealth

  It was a nice sunny Sunday evening. Three buddies Rapiti, Rutku and Darre 
drunken peasants decided to go and defeat one of the notorious drunkards 
on land..

  Only a week ago on Rutku's annual CornSpirit day, it was thirteeth on row 
and Rutku was so proud of that tradition. While the celebration was going at 
its highest point... of course many barrels of divine spirits have already 
emptied by passionate celebrants, a dark figure suddenly appeard to dark 
corner. Darre noticed him, rapidly grabbed can of cornspirit and quickly 
delivered that to stranger. Stranger took the can and faster than lightning, 
tossed liquid down to throat. Darre was impressed by admirable performance. 
Outsider did same trick again and several times before he moved to table. 

  Stranger started to mumble something, what really interested Rapiti, Rutku 
and Darre. Man introduced himself, he called himself as 'Drunken Mansku'. He 
told about the place he came from. There fountains flow beer, trees carry 
sausages, birds don't fly straight, a paradise, a paradise of the bums! But 
yes, there was something that was more interesting than paradise. It was 
mystical decanter, the decanter of wealth, decanter that produces unlimited 
amount of booze! Dream of every self-respecting scrounger. That was 
something cornspirit festival was missing, thought Rutku. But no, the task 
would not be that simple, said Mansku. Decanter was guarded by notorious fat 
bastard! And only way to get decanter, is to drink fat bastard under table. 
Many brave men have tried, but no one has ever been able to drink that much 
beer as fat bastard. After telling that, Mansku drops out due to high amount 
of spirit. 
  Darre got a king idea, he mutters to Rapiti that they could go and drink 
that piece of decanter from Fat Bastard. Rapiti suggested that first they 
need to practice one week and after that challenge Fat Bastards fatty butt. 
Nothing shouldn't go wrong. Their training program would be really 
degenerative for normal peoples physical conditions, but our heroes have 
used these wonderful grain products for many years, so one decay week 
wont do any difference for guys. Week passed quickly and many gallons of 
beer, booze and other spirits had been drunk. 
  And finally became time to start unbelievable journey. First they bridled
the mule, old faithful mulie. Second, wheelcart, which was used many 
times to transfer divine "barley shake" from place to another, was 
now filled with that same liquid, ten barrels. Third step, sturdy base 
intoxication of course! And then the travel shall begin. 

  Journey went nicely, two barrels of beer had been drunk, many 
songs sung, and few hazards passed, like Rapiti dropped his favourite 
tankard and broke it, Darre fell down from cart and Rutku didn't notice that 
before they had travelled few hours and they turned back and found Darre 
stomped on road sleeping. Several days passed like others. Mule stumbles 
determinedly ahead. 
  Suddenly bunch of bandits ambushed our band and speedily surrounded carrier.
Spirits or life was their request. That's a good opportunity to test our 
abilities thought Rapiti and suggested little contest for bandits, 
drinking contest! Two barrels were taken down from cart and the game begun. 
Can after can emptied in mens throat, first barrel was empty now. Second 
barrel was going down fast rate. First bandit gone, snorting on ground loudly,
our heroes showing no marks of drunkenness. Bandit after bandit got sleepy 
and finally blacked out, just before second barrel was fully empty. And its 
was time to continue with travel. Stupid mule just didn't want to move before 
it gets its drink from barrel too, well this mule isn't just an ordinary mule.

  Few nights these scamps rambled more or less close to their destination.
And finally big flapdoors of Fat Bastards Tavern unfolded in front of our
heroes. It was most magnificent bar they had ever seen. Gold, silver, mithril,
diamond, WHOA! Cans were pure gold! Wait, what a hell is this place? Some kind
of high society place? Bleah, this place is not for us, thought Darre. But
a minute, there's a rusty door at alley side of building. That's the place 
we're looking for. 

  Trio entered the rusty tavern and what? Wow! There he was.. The Fat Bastard!
You haven't seen that fat dude since Star Wars Jabba the Hutt. This creature 
would eat those barrels with one bite. Fat bastard looks already drunk, 
maybe he's a piece of cake. Three men stumbled through the room and stood 
staggering in front of Drunkard. Challenge for Decanter has been delivered. 

  All four moved to another room, challenge room. There was a big round table 
and many seats around it. Lot of beer barrels on walls and nice smell of 
barley. Everyone took own seat and beer slaves started to bring in the beer. 
Everyone swallowed beer in one gulp. And next round was brought to table. 
And same again. Same circle went many hours around, around, around and 
around. First who dropped was Rapiti. Fat Bastard just laughed loud. And 
game goes on and on and on and on. Several hours had passed and next one who 
dropped was Darre. Fat Bastard just laughed more. One day had gone and 
contest still continued. After last ones you could see some sort of 
exhaustion on both gamblers. Ground trembles when Drunkards burp and almost 
fell down. Rutku's stomach started to rumble and he almost threw up, but he 
was just able to keep fluids inside. Looks like this match was going to end 
soon. Many gallons of beer fluctuates on floor. Fat Bastard drinks slowly 
his drink and finished it with style, while he swings around his place, but 
still remains up. Rutku starts drinking, slowly, slowly, looks like it wont 
never end, but he still got it all down. Rutku's face stars to wriggle and 
changed its colour to white, he just fell down from seat and curled in ball. 
Fat Bastard had won again and lets out booming laughter. 

  Some days later. 
Three ramshacked men woke up on grassland outside of Fat Bastards Tavern. 
They had very angry looks and they all shouted at same time loudly 'WE'LL 

++ Rapidfire 

Disclaimer: No animals or creatures harmed during writing this tale.