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Library: Santa Claus And the mystery of lost reindeers


Author: ulver
Date:Apr 27 2003

Christmas was coming, and Santa had alot in his mind. Making presents for all
the kids in the world wasn't a small job, not to mention about delivering
But this year was different. Santa had lost his reindeers, yes, all of them.
Nobody had seen anything, heard anything of them for two days now, which was
very unusual for they came within seconds if Santa just whistled. 
This is where I come in the picture, or text rather, and well, not yet, but
soon. Santa was so desperate, he didn't have time to find the reindeers by
himself, with all the presents in the make and giftlists still to be read, so
he decided to hire a private detective, the best there was, yes thats me. 
It was a terrible blizzard outside, thats why I had thought best to go to a
pub to warm myself with a couple sturdy drinks, hopefully overhearing some
nice gossips or maybe even finding a nice lady to warm myself with this cold
evening. I was just had my second round, when a man with strange grey outfit
enters the pub, huffing and puffing louder than the wind and shaking icicles
from his beard. 
I hadn't seen the man before, I hadn't seen any man like him before to be
exact, he had a long white beard, almost covering his big round belly. He was
old, face wrinkled with years, but somehow he had the posture of a young man,
walking lightly and firm. And his eyes, bright and not the least dimmed by
what might think of a man his age. This I saw when he entered, and didn't have
much time to think of it before he strode over to my table. 
He coughed slightly, and with a deep and mellow voice, asked me if I was John
Travers, a detective, which ofcourse I was and answered so. He looked
nervously around, and seeing that there weren't much people around us, heavily
sat down and sighed. I asked him might he want something to drink, shaking his
head I shouted the waiter for another. He took a little flask from his pocket,
which smelled like berry-juice, which in fact was berry-juice when I asked
him, took a long sip, and another, and I wondered how a small bottle like that
could hold so much liquid inside. 
After the waiter had brought me my drink and left, the old man looked straight
at me and introduced himself, as Santa Claus. I had seem these weirdos alot,
some claiming to be Napoleon, or something else, but somehow looking at this
man, and into his eyes specially, I sensed that there was something about him
that wasn't normal, or maybe it was just the drinks I had drank. 
I was so enthralled by his voice and eyes, that I just didn't care who he
really was, but asked what he wanted from me, to find his reindeers perhaps?
His suprised face was something you rarely see, a big 'O' covered in white
fur, eyes open and seemed to grow larger than his mouth even, hands twitching
like trying to form words since the face was temporarily out of order. Gaining
composure, he looked at me with his piercing eyes, asking how I knew about his
missing reindeers already. It was my turn to better that old man's puzzled
face, but since I had so much practice in dealing with all kinds of lunatics,
I just kept my mouth close to my mug and eyes cast down to the floor for a
I said something incoherrent, about flying cows and singing pigs, and little
birds that talked weird things to me when I was sleeping, but he didn't hear
any of it, but started to talk about his worries. 
"I need your help Mr. Travers, I need you to find what has happened to my
"They have been seen yesterday flying south, but nobody knows how or why, they
never fly without me" 
"I cannot pay you much, but I hope you realize the situation and can help me
with this, for all the kids in the world rely on me and my reindeers to get
their presents this christmas"
He handed me a piece of leather, with a map written on it, and the course of
the reindeers marked with red dots. "This should help you somewhat, it shows
where they went, but at the point where the map stops, we found not a trace of
"Here is a credit card you can use for the traveling and expenses, spare not a
cent if you just find my reindeers" 
I hadn't said even yes before he was already leaving. But I knew I couldn't
say no, so I said nothing, rose up and shook the mans hand, saying everything
will be alright. We left the pub together, and outside, Santa took his little
bottle again, sipped only a little this time, and vanished right before my
I just hoped this was all to be blamed on the ale, tightened my jacket and
pulled a hood to my face to cover even a little from the freezing wind, walked
towards my home and office, thinking about all that the man had said. 

Next day I woke up with a splitting headache, felt like some reindeers had
been trampling on my head for the night, and spent some time in my mouth too. 
I didn't think of yesterdays happening as much more than delirious drunken
dreams, until checking how much I had spent money, found a plastic card from
my pocket, with Santa Claus inc. written on it. Whoa, it wasn't any dream, it
was for real. But feeling bit sick still, I passed out, just to wake up to a
crashing sound at my door.
I jumped up, took a pistol from its holster and tried to focus my eyes, and
managed to open the left one a little. My front door was kicked in, brutally,
like someone had come inside with a bulldozer. But I didn't see anyone, or
hear anything moving. Putting my gun away, I wobbled over to the door,
figuring out what had happened. Seeing nothing, I went for a glass of water
and some aspirin. Sitting on my chair with my eyes closed, I heard like small
feet tapping on the floor, quietly making their way towards me. I was very
careful not to stir, thinking that this must be the one who came through my
door, and wondering how I didn't see it before. 
I waited, and when I heard him jump on my desk, my mind was racing and
strained with effort to open my eyes to see who or what it was. I kept my
head, though hurting alot still, and only slightly as possible, peered between
closed eyelids. "Hahaaa" I heard, "I saw that" and opening my eyes quickly, I
saw a little man, not taller than to my knee, standing clothed in brown suit,
with a yellow hat and smoking a thick cigar. "Santa sent me, or rather, didn't
send me but would have sent me if he would have sent someone at all." "Sorry
about your door there, I came running so fast that I couldn't stop before I
crashed to it."
I asked why I hadn't seen anyone. He said something about elves having this
thing that makes them disappear when someone tries to look for them, unless
they wanted to be looked at. I just nodded, feeling something move inside my
head which felt like my brains turning around and grinned with almost a tear
coming to my eye because of the pain. "Never again I thought" 
"So, do you have any clues where to go?" asked the little man, now seated on
my lap, trying to take a look into my pockets. 
I stood up and lifted the little man off me, his arms wiggling and legs
kicking in the air. I put him down on the desk and walked couple paces away. 
"Yea, he gave me a map of sort, and credit card for the bills" 
"Oooh, that card has unlimited credit, lets go have some fun before we go
searching those stupid animals, I know this great place there are lotsa
willing girls and great beer, the best I know that far up north" 
"No, I only have few days to find those reindeer, a week at max, and I have to
go south, thats where they were seen last" I tried to look at the man but he
had jumped off the desk and up to my drawer where I had my second gun and some
other things. "Hey come away from there, those things are private" "Ooo, I
have been looking for this playboy, this is a collectors item" Grinning widely
the elf browsed at the magazine. I thrust my hand and took it away, putting
all the other things he had managed to take out back into the drawer and
locking it. "Now listen, you came here to help me, but so far you've done
nothing but trouble. Either do something useful or just go away." Just then my
phone rang, and at the first ring, the man seemed a bit frightened. "Sure,
lets go, lets go, I show you where the reindeer are, but we gotta go now" He
started towards the door, but I took the phone and answered "hello?" "hello,
this is Santa, hoped you still be there. Listen, I just heard that there's and
elf missing from my workshop, his name is Truk and I might think he has
something to do with the missing reindeers. You see, I hired him only less
than a hundred years ago, and ever since I've had some accidents happening
here. I hadn't got any proof of it until today, when had put glue into all my
workshops tools, but he had left a button from his right sleeve there, so that
gives me suspicions about him. Beware, he might be up for no good if you see
him" I said thanks, I will be careful and hang the phone. 
The little man standing there, watching me with his dark eyes, noticing now,
they were completely black. "You coming or what?" I wrote a note to my
landlord about the door, took my jacket and hat, and on the way out slipped
the note into his mailbox. The weather had calmed down, even the sun tried to
warm up the snowy landscape a little, but not much were to be done, it was
winter after all. 

I didn't see the little man, I just heard his voice from my shoulder. "lets go
this way, no, that way, over there, see its a pub!" I hailed for a taxi, and
since I lived in a small town, there was only one of those, which nobody used
much. I looked at the map more closely, and seeing that I had to take an
airplane, said the driver to take me to a airfield, which was not so far away,
near this bit bigger city that was near my little city. 
I had forgotten all about my little headache, and better that way, because the
second I thought about it, it sneaked up on me and sent a jolting pain to the
back of my skull. Luckily I had taken the aspirin pills with me, took couple
and hoped they would kick in soon. I didn't see or hear the little man since I
had entered the taxi, and better that way, his voice was irritating, like
someone eating little rocks. I closed my eyes and dreamt about a roasted
reindeer and blueberry pie. 

Waking up as the car stopped, I had dozed for full 20 minutes and my head
started to feel almost normal, only a slight throbbing kept reminding me about
those whiskey shots of the last night.
The airport was small, but it had what I needed, a small rentable plane with
pilot, what it cost I didn't even dare to think, just handed over the card
which the greedy machine sucked inside, beeped for a moment and sighed happily
spitting the card out again. The girl who was busy talking to her headset most
of the time it took me to rent the plane, suddenly screamed and I swear I
could have heard a familiar cackle from under the desk. I shrugged to myself,
not my business and left the woman screaming something about little man with
pointy ears and yellow tophat trying to grope her. Just none of my business.
I walked outside to meet the pilot who was to fly the plane, soon he arrived
with a blonde sexbomb, tight dress, big hooters and lots of make-up. The pilot
had a leather jacket and hair combed back with something that looked and smelt
like axl-grease, large sunglasses and gleaming white teeth which he seemed

I sighed, why did all the weirdos, why can't someone be just normal like me.
The pilot asked me if it was ok if his girl came along, she just loved flying
and since there was nobody else coming besides me, there was plenty of room.
I didn't have anything against it, watching her lean over to pick up a
matchbox was a pretty sight, and I stopped wondering why the pilot had such a
grin on his face. The plane, well it was small, had one engine, wings and
seats for four people, it looked solid enough, but when it started to run,
bouncing on the grassy field before rising up and then suddenly dropping
again, I felt the nausea and headache creep on me again. I cursed and tossed
couple more pills to my mouth, chewing them and cursing some more since they
didn't taste too good without anything to drink. 
But the pilot knew his stuff, firmly he got the plane under his control,
steadying it into a horizontal flight, even with his one arm around the girl.
Landscape whirled past us, I took the map from my pocket and showed it to the
pilot saying where to go and without much more than glance at the map, turned
the plane a bit, turned the autopilot on and turned towards me. "I could swear
that we have only us three on board, but feels like theres five or more. There
shouldn't be even any extra cargo, wonder whats causing it." I thought about
telling him about magic elves who can disappear from sight when wanted, who
might be crowding the plane doing who knows what with his girl even noticing,
but thinking better of it, just turned my head and tried to look intererested
of the scenery. It wasn't that far to the point where the dotted line stopped
on the map, few hour flight, and at some point I fell asleep again. I dreamt
about a mountain, or atleast it seemed like a mountain to me, with dark
shadows moving on its slopes. I heard ringing of bells, and sound of hooves
striking on a stony ground. There came a man from the shadows, who looked alot
like Santa, but with black beard and brown tanned face. He was shouting
something, and just before I woke up, I thought he saw me, for he grinned. The
pilot woke me up with a nudge on my shoulder, his girl looked bit ruffled, and
I found her bra from the seat next to me. The pilot, still grinning as madly
as ever, said that had arrived at the point the map pointed to. To my suprise,
there was no mountain, not even a large hill, just a lake with small forest on
the other side, and field, where had landed, on the other. Near by the woods
was a small hut, too small to fit reindeers inside. 
I stepped outside, told the pilot to wait for me. "No problem sir, just lemme
know when we leave, we'll be by the lake if we ain't here." I nodded and
turned towards the hut, it was very small infact, like some little kids
It seemed larger when seen from a distance, and to my eyes it felt like it
shrank the closer I got. There was only one window and one door, and when I
got near enough to knock, I had to bow down a little. There was no answer,
knocked again and still nothing. Was this it, I couldn't think of anything
more. I walked around the hut, saw nothing to give me a clue, I peered inside
through the window, there was nothing but a small table inside with a little
chair next to it.  
I felt like giving up, this all seemed like a weird dream to me, hell, anyone
telling about these things to someone would have prolly just been shipped into
some mental hospital. 
The lake gleamed in the afternoon sun, it was bit warmer here, the waters were
not frozen solid and there was no snow. I felt thirsty, and wondering if the
water might be good for drinking, wandered off to the shore, maybe there could
be hoofprints or something, anything. 
The water seemed clear, almost crystal-like, and seemed to be ok, but I didn't
dare to drink any, just washed my mouth a bit, and and damn the cold water
felt good. I wondered if I had a fever and this was just some crazy nightmare
I was having. 
Then I found them, the hoofprints, just like I hoped. There they were on the
sand, alot of them, not traces of some single moose, this must have been them.
I felt my heart starting to pound, I had found some trace of them, and they
were leading back to the hut, but my mind was not able to grasp the idea of
the reindeers going into the hut, there was no sense in that, it was just too
damn small. 
I followed the trail back to the hut, where they started to fade away, so that
I hadn't seen them while walking around there. I stared at the hut, the hut
stared back at me with its one eye. I knocked on the door once again, knowing
there wouldn't be any answer. To my suprise, the door opened, though there was
nobody to be seen. It was dark inside, just the the lake reflecting some of
the sunlight. I had to kneel to fit through the door and into the hut, and it
seemed that after I went in, there was no room to turn or do anything else
there, but as soon as half of me was inside, things started to grow. First the
room expanded a bit, but rapidly the walls were speeding away until I couldn't
see them anymore. Then the door slammed shut behind me and before I could turn
around, I saw something growing from the ground, like a mushroom it broke
through the crust of earth, but it was nothing living, it was stone, a
mountain formed right before my eyes in a blink of an eye. The hut was gone,
the door was gone, and the air seemed hot to me, not just slightly warm, but
But strangely, I couldn't see any sun, nor clouds, or anything else that
usually goes with normal sky. It was just white, with a yellowish streaks.  
The ground was hard, like packed mud and there was no traces on it that
someone, reindeer or anyone else would have walked there. The place had
expanded to what was prolly it's full size, the mountain was a little farther
away than I hoped. I sighed, there wasn't much to do, I could not turn back
since there was no door, so I checked my gun was loaded and decided to go see
what was at the mountain, since there was nothing else in there to go to. 
The heat was getting to me, I thought about the lake with its cool water and
cursed to myself that I didn't bring anything to drink, and I wasn't even
halfway to the mountain yet. It was going to be a long walk.
I was thirsty beyond measure as I was nearing the base of the mountain, I
hoped there would be some little river or stream of water coming down the
slope, but no, just bare rock. I could see little steps going up, a twisting
path that disappeared behind a cliff. Mouth feeling like parched leather, I
tried to swallow what felt like dust, the walk wasn't that bad, not as bad as
climbing that hill. I had took of my sweater earlier, my woolen socks and now
I was thinking about losing my jacket. 
I started to go through my pockets for things I might still need, and felt
something small and round, like a little bottle. My mind was singing praises
to gods I didn't even know of, hoping it was the bottle I had forgotten to
drink some days ago. 
The bottle was in fact pretty small, I remembered that the one Santa had was
just like it. I opened it and it had a sweet smell, like strawberry. Written
with small print on the side was "Drink long to relieve, sip small and
believe, but only when you need." I sure needed something to drink so I drank,
and damn did I drink alot, what felt like a gallon. How did a small bottle
like that contain so much, wish I could buy one with beer. I felt refreshed,
sat down for amoment to enjoy the feeling. There was nothing much in my
jacket, some extra bullets, the map, some coins, a pen and bunch of receipts
which I left there. 
Now I was ready to face whatever would be waiting at the top. 
The steps were small, very small, obviously not meant for my big flat feet,
but I managed to climb them with small effort. Little pebbles came rolling
down the hill now and then, and the path turned around little outcroppings of
stone here and there. It was quite steep, and looking back, I didn't feel like
slipping, it would be a long and fast ride down. 
The heat still got to me, with this climbing I was sweating and my heart was
pounding so that the rush of blood was the only noise I could hear. I was in
pretty good shape, it was rough business being a detective, but this was alot
even for me. All the way up, I could swear I saw shadows before me and behind
me, small shadows, moving up and down the stairs and fast too. Wonder what
they were.
I finally saw the top, it was only a little way there now. Time had passed
what felt like hours, but the sky was still looking the way it was, but over
the mountain it seemed to darken a little.
I remembered my dream, it was not exactly like this but something familiar
there was in all this. Finally at the top. The view was great, though there
was nothing to see, brown dusty field stretched all around, there was nothing
in the horizon, just blurred by the heat. I was amazed, where was this, what
was this place. 
The mountain top was bare, except for a hole in the middle. Ladders led down
the hole. which was dark, but a faint light could be seen far down somewhere.
I dropped a little stone into the hole, hoping to hear how deep it was, and I
heard "Oww, watch it buddy" and muffled cursing. There must be someone there,
I just didn't see anything. The hole was strangely large compared to
everything else so far. The ladder was made of solid steel, bolted to the
mountain so I grabbed hold of it and started to go down. 
Soon as I was inside the hole, and the light outside didn't touch me, I was
shivering, damn it was cold here, and felt sorry that I had left my jacket
behind. The light was grewing stronger and I could see the stairs ending into
a small room. I reached the bottom, and there was nothing much there, couple
torches on the wall shedding light to what seemed like a corridor. I walked
on, hearing little tapping sounds from all over, like army of elves marching
back and forth. The corridor turned a couple times, all the time going
downwards a bit. There was brighter light coming from what seemed to be the
end, turning the last corner I saw it opening to a huge hall. I could barely
see the ceiling, the light dancing now and then high enough. Large fireplaces,
three of them, were burning bright and making the place feel quite warm and
nice. As I entered the hall, something flashed and the hall was crowded with
little men and women, sitting at long tables eating and talking. Everyones
attention was turned to me and it became silent. Seems like I was expected.
"Greetings, welcome to my kingdom" A deep voice called from the end of one
table, this one being larger than all the others. A man rose up, and it was
the same face I had seen in my dream. I started my way to the man, when few
little men grabbed my ankles and pulled me down. They tied my feet quickly,
they seemed to have lots of experience in that. My hands were left free
though, and the same little fellows, with little effort, raised me on their
arms and carried me towards the bearded man. "Rise up and take a seat, you
seem like you could use something to eat." A plate was brought before me with
some meat and bread, honey and cheese and a tin cup filled with something that
looked water but tasted like wine. 
"I am sorry for all this trouble" the man started to speak, pausing slightly
and continuing "But I had my reasons for all this." "You are here for the
reindeers, right?" My mouth filled with food I just nodded, tasting the wine,
swallowing and added, "Yes, Santa was pretty upset about them, you know that
lots of kids will be very sad if they don't get their presents" 
"Oh yes, I know that, but this is something I had to do. You see, all these
elves here, are his old workers. And me, I am his brother." And truly I could
see the resemblance. "He is a nice man, but has not changed a bit with the
years. The elves here, all left him because they were tired. Most of the year
goes doing toys and presents for the children, and the rest goes for cleaning
and organizing everything for the next year. None of them had a break for
hundreds of years. That is why they thought about skipping this christmas, so
they could rest." 
I thought about working for two hundred years without a vacation and could see
why they were upset. "But this is not the way to do things, by stealing the
reindeers and doing things without telling him what is the real reason." 
"Ah, we are afraid he would not understand. You see, Santa and I are very
alike, but where he likes to do things, I rather not do anything at all." "I
have this place here just for having a good time, to sleep, eat, drink and
enjoying the company of others." The elves cheered at that, and I thought I
could enjoy living like that too. "Well, my job still is to return the
reindeers to him, is there any way we might talk through this, come to some
kind of agreement?" 
"I'm afraid that wont do. You see, now that elves have come here with me, I
can't let them leave, who is gonna make the wine, cook the food, do the
dishes.." "So they are now your slaves then?" The man grinned, "Slaves or no,
atleast they now have time to enjoy." The wine must have been strong, after a
cupful, I was feeling drowsy, barely able to keep my eyes open. This was
prolly how he kept the elves under control I thought before my head banged on
the table. 

I woke up from a matress, cloth sack filled with fresh hay. My eyes were
seeing nothing but blur, and my head was spinning. I closed my eyes and
waited, and after some time I started to feel better. The sound of tapping
little feet was constant, but it seemed far away, I wasn't in the great hall
When I felt the my spinning head slow down a bit, I opened my eyes again.
Now I could see almost straight, and slowly turning my head around tried to
figure out where I was. It was a room, with a door, and barely visible light
shining through a small hatch on it, maybe coming from a torch outside. 
No more did I have my gun or the map, but for some reason the little bottle
was still in my pocket. I tried to stand up, but my legs wobbled like jello
and I almost fell down, so I just sat down and waited. I must have fallen
asleep again, because I opened my eyes, and there was a plate of food and
drink brought next to my bed. The cup had the same wine as last night, so I
didn't dare to drink it even though I was really thirsty. But the food was
great, and after eating it I felt alot better, I could even stand up without
much trouble. I walked to the door, knowing it would be locked, and right I
was. There was nothing to be seen outside the room, just a lonely torch,
making shadows move in my room. I sighed, was this it, my end in this dark
cell. I sat down, and started to search for anything I could use to break out
of there. The fork was a wooden stick with two sharp points, so that wasn't
much help. Plate was also made of wood, like the cup. I emptied the cup, and
poured myself a drink from the little bottle. Ah, it was so good and it
cleared the rest of the drowsiness from my head. I had a thought. I sat down
my back against the wall and waited. It seemed like a very long time, soon I
was humming and whistling some tunes. After hours of waiting, I head
scratching sounds coming from the door and it opened. An elf was standing
there, and seeing that I had eaten, came inside and started to pack the plate
and things on a wooden tray. "Hey, I couldn't drink all that, and you seem
like you have had a long day, wanna help me out with this" I offered him the
cup. His eyes lit up "Sure buddy, theres always time for a little drink" and
gulped a full cup with one swig. "Hey man, what was that, it tasted so good,
better than whats usually served, and... hey! Where are we, who are you, and
what am I doing here!" The little guy dropped the cup and tray with a crash.
"Now I remember, I was offered a vacation and when I came here.. I can't
remember what happened after that." "Who are you?" I explained things swiftly
as I co
uld, and showed him the bottle I had. "Ah, this is Santa Claus special, it
refreshes and heals all kinds of things, I must have been drugged, thanks
mate, I didn't know anyone besides Santa had this stuff." "I have a plan" I
said. "You have to act like youre still drugged, and nothing has happened.
Fill everyones cups with this" giving him the bottle "And when all the others
wake up, you have to tell them whats happening." The elf agreed, placed the
bottle in his pocket, picked up the things and locked the door again. 
I hoped it would work, there was nothing else I could think of. 
So I waited. I tried to sleep but I had enough of that, so I started to hum
and sing some old tunes again. Hours passed, and suddenly I heard loud voices,
many voices shouting with angry tone. I hoped my plan had worked. Over the
many voices one grew louder, deep and heavy, Santas brother, but he didn't
seem so angry, more like afraid it was. I was wondering why, when the door
opened and the elf who I had given the task was there again. "It worked!" he
screamed, "I gave them this stuff and soon they woke up like from a bad
dream." "Didn't take long for me to explain what had happened and soon they
were rushing towards Atnas (santas brother obviously), and tied him up. Thanks
a bunch mate!" I stood up and got out of the room, blinking in the light.
"Here, you can have this back now" and he gave me the bottle. "What does this
text here mean, sip little and believe?" "Ah, I don't know really, not many of
us had the chance to taste that stuff, its Santas private stuff, but everytime
Santa takes it, he just vanishes." "You might wanna try it out since there is
no way out for you because we already let the reindeers loose and they flew
back to Santa." I opened the bottle and wondered what a little sip might be,
and tried to take as little as I could. Should have closed my eyes, there was
was blinding flash, and everything disappeared, the corridor and the elf, and
I was standing in a large room with one fireplace burning and a smell of
cinnamon and applepie was strong. It was very bright, and my eyes sting.
"HoHo, Welcome, I didn't expect you back so soon" That was a familiar voice
indeed, it was Santa himself, standing by the fire. "I heard already what
happened. Thank you for doing this. I knew all along what was going on down
there, my brother is a sneaky bastard, hes only a halfbrother to me actually."
"But as you might understand, I couldn't have done this by myself, I had no
access to his home, not without my reindeers anyway." "And I can take that
back now." nodding at the bottle in my hand. "The elves told me a
bout their worries too, and I've decided to let them have a vacation every
year. It's only fair, but now they have so much to do before christmas and
after that, but every summer they will now be able to go wherever they want
I was still reeling from the trip, and had to sit down. "HoHo, Santa's special
has quite a kick eh?" "I will give you a ride home now, and you don't have to
worry about christmas presents ever again." We went outside, and there they
were, all the reindeers harnessed into a big sled. It was night, nearing dawn
and the sun was already making a small appearance in the horizon. I sat down
into the sled, next to Santa, and without a pull or any feeling of movement,
the sled took speed, and soon was flying faster than anything I've ever seen.
The ground was nothing but a haze as we flew over forests, lakes and
mountains. With a sudden plunge, the sled started to descend, and landed right
on the front of my home. "Thank you once again, I will recommend your services
to everybody!" I sure hoped not, this was enough, but smiled "No problem,
anytime for the kids, merry christmas" "Merry christmas" and with a flash, he
was off. 
I opened my door, my door? It was there, like nothing had happened. Must have
been the elves, it was so neatly fixed. I got inside, turned on the lights and
found even my jacket and sweater folded on my sofa, with my gun placed on top.
Nice I thought, they sure are fast and precise. I took out a bottle of
bourbon, poured myself half a glass and sat down by my desk. I deserved this
Sometime later I passed out and saw no more dreams about elves or bearded men
by the mountain, but of a nice big boobed girl that was with the pilot I met,
and I sighed happily, this is what I want for christmas.