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Library: Legend of Skyllbågen


Author: chizra
Date:Aug 18 2003

Skåjdjard was a young troll. Only 84 years old and full of joy and sheer
happiness. He was born in a small but wealthy savage family that had gained
it's fortune by selling decapitated heads as souvenirs. However faith had a
masterful plan for him (Skåjdjard of course didn't know this) but much was
about to happen that would change his life completely.
The family lived in a small village that was known as Knögenknucken, the club
village. Mainly because it was known from it's mean clubber trolls, that were
teached and trained in the local academy of barbaric ways and savage arts. In
this very same academy, it was also possible to get a degree in enslaving. But
this had nothing to do with this tale so we'll forget it for now.
As a normal troll learns the true skills of headbashing (also known as
bonking) when it's 150 years old, Skåjdjard was already almost as good as most
of the trolls of twice his age. The life in Knögenknucken was relatively calm
since the clan borders were far away. The troll world was just a huge plain
surrounded by the highest mountains ever seen. Many adventuring parties left
the plains and climbed the mountains but never came back. Another legend told
that the mountains were protected and the trolls were isolated from other
world by the gods. Because of misunderstanding and stupidity (common among
trolls) the plain was divided to two by rival clans. Later these clans were
known as 'The Knudsen family' and 'Beckenbaum's bumbusters'.
Skåjdjard lived in the side of Knudsen family and was already eager to please
his future masters (like any troll, this was because they were stupid back
then, nowadays trolls have functional hierarchy system). He trained hard every
single day. But one day was going to be very special. At dawn, he went to the
former Knudsen training field. New field had been built closer to the clan
border centuries ago. The field had a river in the middle splitting the field
into two parts. No one knew where the river began from, the water was coming
high from the mountains. From above, they said and it ended into a horrendous
whirlpool on the edge of the field.
Since the trolls had many effective ways of attacking, they had to know it
all. That day was supposed to be reserved for catapult training. It was a fast
way to get some of the biggest, ugliest, meanest, biggest, bigg.. ahem, trolls
over the tall fortress walls. Usually 75% of catapult launches had an
calculation error causing some minor or perhaps even fatal injuries. You could
probably guess that the training was even more risky as it was pretty
Skåjdjard's launch had a major calculation error (this also was common since
trolls were never good counting things) that made him land into the river with
a massive *SPLASH*. Most trolls never learned to swim because of the lack of
water on the plains. Skåjdjard was sucked into the whirlpool and deep inside
the surface. Almost unconscious, he found himself from a stalagmite cavern
deep underground. First thing to do when you think you've survived, is to
check that all limbs are intact. This was very important since attempting to
walk without other leg could be futile and dangerous (minor example).
The cavern led into a greater grotto that was filled with cobwebs and dust.
The room seemed to glow faintly because of small crystals embedded to the
ceiling. Feeling a small breath of air on his face, he realized that there has
to be a way out somewhere. With closer inspection it seemed like the dust was
actually covering hundreds of bones and skulls on the floor. This had to be an
ancient burial ground of somekind. Skåjdjard was very curious and looked
around for valuables to steal and horses to rape. It was soon noticed, that
there were no horses, but from the far corner he found a small red bag that
was not covered in the dust like other equipment lying around.

Then he recalled (yet another) legend about the legendary red bag called
'Skyllbågen'. It was said to consist some of the most powerful (even magical)
artifacts ever forged on earth. It was also said that the bag could smash
armies in a swing. Astounding! Surviving was now more important than exploring
(though there wasn't much more to explore). Skåjdjard left the grotto back to
the cave that led to stony edge of the river, deep inside bedrock. He chose
another tunnel that seemed to lead into the darkness. Stumbling, he went
deeper into the cave without seeing anything, only feeling the hard rock
surface on his fingertips.
After hours of hopeless search of an exit, his next step hit pure air and he
fell several meters into an underground lake. He was sucked beneath the
surface and he lost consciousness once again. Days after, he woke up in a
small wooden cottage. The decorations seemed to be strange.. He must be on the
other side of the known troll world, on the enemies' side! He had only heard
about the rival troll clan, the Beckenbaums. The river must've led to the
other side. It was clear that troll of the another clan was given no mercy,
and slight panic struck our hero. The cottage didn't look like a jail though
it had to windows and the door seemed barred from outside. It was actually
rather comfortable for a troll cottage.
Investigation of the interior paid off and gave proof that he was on the side
of the clan Beckenbaum. Holy canneloni! The rug next to the small fireplace
had the Beckenbaum clan logo on it, the yellow smiley! It was very possible
that they could find out that Skåjdjard was actually on the side of the
Knudsen family. The red bag was lying next to the bed, still closed. The bag,
also known as 'Skyllbågen' might be the last and the only way to safety from
here. It was said to contain unearthly power, and our hero was uncertain about
opening the bag.
Sound of footsteps carried to Skåjdjard's ears. This made him to decide that
opening the Skyllbågen, bag of power was clearly the right solution. The bag
felt cold inside. It also felt empty but in a while, Skåjdjard wrapped his
fingers around a small silver rod and pulled it out. He felt as power jolted
through his body, making him powerful indeed. The rod was shiny silver and was
forked from the other end. A golden engraving 'F' decorated the other end.
This had to be the FORK OF DOOM! The feared weapon of Apopothopothohoptoppothos
 the greek adventurer, son of Apotpotspothos that was the son of Apollo
Crackling with power he SMASHED the barren door and it flew several meters in
the air! Amazed by this, trolls outside around the campfire did not know what
to think. Two of them started to run away instantly as they saw Skåjdjard.
Another pair of trolls picked their weapons from the ground and started to run
towards our hero. Obviously they wanted to bash his head to a mangled heap
(which was also very common among trolls). But Skåjdjard wasn't just any troll
anymore, the small fork in his hand pulsed with energy turning him into a
complete beast. With a quick swing with his fork a decapitated head flied
through the air followed by a spin-kick that caused Skåjdjard's foot to
penetrate the ribcage of another troll and coming out of it's back.
With a stamp of his foot, the decapitated head sank into the soft grassy
ground. The world seemed different and twisted. The evil power of Fork of Doom
coiled around his soul, blackening it. He no longer wanted to serve his lord,
master Knudsen, he wanted to be his own lord and gain full control on the both
sides of the plains. First, he would take control on the Beckenbaum's side and
then renaming it to the Kingdom of Knaapjaart. Skåjdjard headed to the the
main camp of Beckenbaum's bumbusters with a grin on his face.
Every moment he grew more powerful and confident. At the main gate of the camp
he thrusted his massive pulsating hands through the gate making splinters to
fly. Attacking troops had no chance against this beast, he was already
invincible. Rapid triple-kicks cracked bones and his fists slammed heads with
the speed of light, severing them from their bodies. It didn't take long till
the remaining troops escaped to the woods. Skåjdjard figured that his powers
were too great for the troll plains, his plans were now much bigger. He would
try to conquer the skies by climbing the mountains that surrounded the troll
plains and crush the creatures that had so long been over their comprehension.
He wanted to become a god.
As it is probably known (atleast in BATMud), becoming a god might be hard,
even impossible. Now Skåjdjard headed to the pass of Ali-Mah-Salimah that led
to the base of Koo-Maah, the highest mountain ever seen. It continued far
above the clouds and it's peak had never been seen by mortal eyes. Being full
of eagerness and confidence, our hero pulled himself higher and higher. When
Skåjdjard reached the cloud level, armoured griffon riders with massive
battle-hammers emerged from the dense clouds. Those were probably the
protectors of the skies that had stopped the other adventuring parties during
hundreds of centuries. Bright blue lightning struck from their hammers. Charge
of the lightning would set an average troll ablaze or even cause it to
However Skåjdjard wasn't a troll anymore, the lightning just tickled him as he
grabbed the hammer of another rider and savagely shoved it into his mouth. The
man fell off his griffon and dropped like a stone far below. This made the
rider that was still alive even more angry than before. Loud *CRACK* was heard
as the sizzling hammer hit the head of Skåjdjard causing intense pain. With a
ferocious counterblow Skåjdjard smashed the rider causing it to lose balance
and drop through the fluffy clouds.
The clouds started to be less dense as our hero climbed upwards. He could
barely separate something resembling a gate through the clouds. Finally, he
reached the peak and noticed that it really was a gate. With a push the gate
creaked and slowly opened slightly. At the same time a loud belch reverberated
the world. Behind the gate was a dark garden and dead stench was flowing in
the air. A dark path led deeper to the garden. The path was lined by dead grey
trees that had no leaves.
Following the path, Skåjdjard arrived to a small opening. The scene was
dominated by a huge frog-looking creature that was belching in the middle.
Skåjdjard approached it and asked the frog-looking creature: 'Are you a GOD?'.
The frog answered nothing, just burped belligentrily. (it was not known back
then that frogs couldn't talk) Furious from not getting the answer, Skåjdjard
raised his fork above his head and was about to stab the creature. This was a
fatal mistake. The froggish creature belched something that sounded like 'Me
Jabbaaa-aa' and lashed it's tentacle at Skåjdjard. The tentacle wrapped around
him and crushed with power.
Although the lashing was not fatal, our hero lost concentration and the fork
dropped from his hands just above his head. The fork penetrated the skull
making flames leap from the eyesockets. The tentacle raised Skåjdjard's body
above the frog and dropped it into it's mouth. With a loud crunch the corpse
was devoured by this dismal beast.
The Knudsen family soon conquered the clan Beckenbaum's side after the havoc
caused by Skåjdjard. The troll plains were once again united soon after.