Login to BatWeb
Forgot your password?
Library: Tale - Dont break rules!
Books
Author: hairybelly
Date:May 2 2004
There was a King, handsome and brave (at least he thought so). His kingdom was
small, but his friends were countless. It was a period of peace and wealth,
and thought it was boring, everybody liked the way it was in this beautiful
kingdom .The Goddess of War woke up on her heavenly mountain and looked around
the world. There were wars and smaller fights everywhere and the Goddess was
satisfied. After a few seconds (a few years in human life), she suddenly
realised that there was one spot where she didn't see any blood or hear any
sounds of battle. There was a huge YAWN echoing everywhere in the world. "I
have been so long without action that I'll do something myself. Let's make
real action in that hole of shitty peace there!". And so she yelled and 10
huge war horses with a burning carriage carried her to the kingdom of peace.
Because of certain rules among Gods, the Goddess of war hadn't any possibility
to order a king to star a war. There were nasty penalties if someone broke the
rules. The only way to get something happen without breaking the rules was
using mortal kind of means. So she transformed herself into a beautiful woman
(beautiful women always have good means to get what they want). The plan was
to seduce the king and ask him to declare war on neighbour kingdoms.
The Goddess wandered among the
citizens and when she found one lonesome old man she asked how to get inside
the palace and meet the king. The answer was surprising. "Just walk inside and
seek the king. Usually he is bathing or taking care of his butterfly
collection" the old man answered. The Goddess asked, "What about guards, will
they let me in?" But the old man just said, "There aren't any guards,
everybody loves the King and there is no use to keep guards". The Goddess was
a little bit suspicious but decided to do as the old man said. She got a
little bit angrier because everybody seemed to be so happy and n
o-one seemed to carry weapons, not even a nice small dagger. And so the
Goddess just walked into the palace. Everybody smiled at her and she got much
angrier. Finally she found the King who was polishing his sword in a small
chamber. "At last, a man with a weapon", the Goddess though. And she became
more satisfied with everything she saw. The King was really good-looking, he
had a great body and a promising bulge in tights. "Mmmm with two weapons",
thought the Goddess. "Good morning" said the Goddess with her most seducing
voice. "Good morning", answered the King without lifting his look from the
sword. "Nice sword you have there", continued the Goddess becoming a little
disappointed. "Naah.. it is just a piece of metal junk. I was just
wondering if I will get a better glance at the beautiful runes on this blade.
As you can see, there are a few nice bird ornaments in the middle of the
blade, and I hope to get a good model for my cross-stitch work", said the
King with enthusiasm. The Goddess almost zapped the King with her mighty
lightning, but with much effort she gathered more patience. "I have come to
tell demand from your neighbour king", she changed her tactics. The King
finally raised his head and looked at her. "Your mighty neighbour demands to
get 3000 gold pieces and the valley near your northern border to ensure peace
between you and him!", the Goddess declared. The King just stared and said,
"That's ok. I'll send those to him already today. We are peaceful people you
see." The Goddess bit her tongue and blood filled her mouth. "Your beloved
neighbour demands 20 virgins too from your kingdom to fill his desires." The
King muttered, "That's ok. By the way, do you see how beautiful that flower in
this ornament is. I will cut this blade in pieces and take this part for my
work." The palace trembled from the anger of the Goddess, but she still
managed to show the kind of patience she usually never had. "It's about time
to change tactics", she thought. She whispered sexily, "Mmm.. after these hard
n
egotiations, should we go to .." and she touched the King's most sensitive
parts and tried to kiss him. "Naah" said the king. "Women are such a pain in
the ass sometimes", he muttered. "Oh, sorry you are from elsewhere yes we are
very liberal with sexual relations, but I am gay you see and in fact Do you
think that this pink blouse of mine is nice or should I take another colour? I
really need woman's opinion."
There was a huge ZAP and only smoking ashes remained at the spot
where the King had just been. The Goddess walked out of the palace and
summoned her most furious monsters to put this kingdom in order. People ran in
panic to get their weapons and several were slaughtered before they got safe
and the defence started. The Goddess was finally smiling that day. But
suddenly there was the council of Gods around the Goddess and they boomed,
"You broke our rules again you let your temper win again... this time there
will be a punishment!"
"We shall give you a real punishment 3 months in hell!"
After a few ZAPs and
distortions on dimensions:
The Goddess woke up in
an odd place. She looked around. She was lying on a marvellous beach on a
tropical island and several handsome smiling men were approaching. Her head
was still stirring and she felt her powers withdrawn. But, "who cares not a
bad place this hell", she though and sm
iled at the men. "Hiya.. beauty," one of the men shouted. "Still angry? Come
back to our tribe and let's continue." The Goddess was quite embarrassed. She
realised her boots nearby and hold her hairy hand out to reach those. "What
the hell a hairy hand???" she got upset. And she realised that she wasn't she
she was a he. And those handsome men .. they had T-shirts. There
was some text on the shirts:"Member of Swedish Robinson reality series."
"Oh, he fainted again", one of the men said
"Lemme give some first aid at him! " another merry voice was heard there
"Let us all give some first aid!" the others giggled
Books