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Library: Bloopers from the Net

Books

Author: Snowwind
Date:Nov 2 1995

               The World According to Student Bloopers
    The inhabitants of Egypt were called mummies.  They lived in the Sarah    
Dessert and traveled by Camelot.  The climate of the Sarah is such that the   
inhabitants have to live elsewhere, so certain areas of the dessert are cul-  
tivated by irritation.  The Egyptians built the Pyramids in the shape of a
huge triangular cube.  The Pramids are a range of mountains between France and
Spain.                                                                        
                                                                              
    The Bible is full of interesting caricatures.  In the first book of the   
Bible, Guinesses, Adam and Eve were created from an apple tree.  One of their 
children, Cain, asked "Am I my brother's son?"  God asked Abraham to sacrifice
Issac on Mount Montezuma.  Jacob, son of Issac, stole his brother's birthmark.
Jacob was a partiarch who brought up his twelve sons to be partiarchs, but
they did not take to it.  One of Jacob's sons, Joseph, gave refuse to the
Israelites.
    Pharaoh forced the Hebrew slaves to make bread without straw.  Moses led  
them to the Red Sea, where they made unleavened bread, which is bread made    
without any ingredients.  Afterwards, Moses went up on Mount Cyanide to get
the ten commandments.  David was a Hebrew king skilled at playing the liar. 
He fougth with the Philatelists, a race of people who lived in Biblical times.
                                                                              
    Without the Greeks, we wouldn't have history.  The Greeks invented three  
kinds of columns - Corinthian, Doric and Ironic.  They also had myths.  A myth
is a female moth.  One myth says that the mother of Achilles dipped him in the
River Stynx until he became intolerable.  Achilles appears in "The Illiad", by
Homer.  Homer also wrote the "Oddity", in which Penelope was the last hardship
that Ulysses endured on his journey.  Actually, Homer was not written by Homer
but by another man of that name.                                              


    Socrates was a famous Greek teacher who went around giving people advice. 
They killed him.  Socrates died from an overdose of wedlock.                  
                                                                              
    In the Olympic Games, Greeks ran races, jumped, hurled the biscuits, and  
threw the java.  The reward to the victor was a coral wreath.  The government 
of Athen was democratic because the people took the law into their own hands. 
There were no wars in Greece, as the mountains were so high that they couldn't
climb over to see what their neighbors were doing.  When they fought the      
Parisians,  the Greeks were outnumbered because the Persians had more men.    
                                                                              
    Eventually, the Ramons conquered the Geeks.  History call people Romans   
because they never stayed in one place for very long.  At Roman banquets, the 
guests wore garlic in their hair.  Julius Caesar extinguished himself on the  
battlefields of Gaul.  The Ides of March killed him because they thought he   
was going to be made king.  Nero was a cruel tyrany who would torture his poor
                                                                              
    Then came the Middle Ages.  King Alfred conquered the Dames, King Arthur  
lived in the Age of Shivery, King Harlod mustarded his troops before the      
Battle of Hastings, Joan of Arc was cannonized by George Bernard Shaw, and the
victims of the Black Death grew boobs on their necks.  Finally, the Magna
provided that no free man should be hanged twice for the same offense.        
                                                                              
    In midevil times most of the people were alliterate.  The greatest writer 
of the time was Chaucer, who wrote many poems and verse and also wrote liter- 
ature.  Another tale tells of William Tell, who shot an arrow through an apple
while standing on his son's head.                                             
                                                                              
    The Renaissance was an age in which more individuals felt the value of    
their human being.  Martin Luther was nailed to the church door at Wittenberg 
for selling papal indulgences.  He died a horrible death, being excommunicated
by a bull.  It was the painter Donatello's interest in the female nude that   
made him the father of the Renaissance.  It was an age of great inventions and
discoveries.  Gutenberg invented the Bible.  Sir Walter Raleigh is a
historical figure because he invented cigarettes.  Another important invention
was the circulation of blood.  Sir Francis Drake circumcised the world with a
    The government of England was a limited mockery.  Henry VIII found walking
difficult because he had an abbess on his knee.  Queen Elizabeth was the "Vir-
gin Queen."  As a queen she was a success.  When Elizabeth exposed herself be-
fore her troops, they all shouted "hurrah."  Then her navy went out and       
defeated the Spanish Armadillo.                                               
                                                                              
    The greatest writer of the Renaissance was William Shakespear.  Shakespear
never made much money and is famous only because of his plays.  He lived in   
Windsor with his merry wives, writing tragedies, comedies and errors.  In one 
of Shakespear's famous plays, Hamlet rations out his situation by relieving   
himself in a long soliloquy.  In another, Lady Macbeth tries to convince Mac- 
beth to kill the King by attacking his manhood.  Romeo and Juliet are an      
example of a heroic couplet.  Writing at the same time as Shakespear was
Miquel Cervantes.  He wrote "Donkey Hote".  The next great author was John
Milton.  Milton wrote "Paradise Lost."  Then his wife dies and he wrote
"Paradise Regained."                                                          
                                                                              
    During the Renaissance America began.  Christopher Columbus was a great   
navigator who discovered America while cursing about the Atlantic.  His ships 
were called the Nina, the Pinta, and the Santa Fe.  Later the Pilgrims        
crossed the Ocean, and the was called the Pilgrim's Progress.  When they      
landed at Plymouth Rock, they were greeted by Indians, who came down the hill 


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