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Library: Prelude to the Fall of Zpirux


Author: shar
Date:Sep 10 2005

Lord Zpirux of Gehenna woke up from his restless sleep at the altar of the
virgin sacrifice. His gaze wandered among the passed out people in his
chambers; the altar room, and the bloodfalls behind a doorway east. As he
headed for the bloodfalls to take a bath, to wash away the dried up sticky
fluids on him, he realized he did not see Count Rash among the people. Where
had he gone this early, usually he sleeps until noon if he's been drinking?
Zpirux shook his head and headed for the bath, recalling the happenings of

He had been taking a bath at the bloodfalls when he heard satanik woofbarking
behind the oak door leading out of his chambers, and not a moment later Count
Rash rushed in, barking at the hellhound infront of the door.
   'We're going to have a party tonight! I have sent forth summons to Xazr the
Mohko-hunter, Lord Whiner of Riverfall, the cousins - Melolga and Kovi - of
Rautasaari and many others.'
   'Oh,' said Lord Zpirux, trying to hide what he was doing in the bath 'but
what are we celebrating?'
   'I'm going to reinc into a psimage!', said Count Rash enthusiastically. 'We
must make some preparations for the party.. I'll get the booze and the beer
and go meet Mortis, you get the ladies and the sheep...' and he added 'Oh! And
something for Xazr... get one of those gnarled staves if you can, ones you can
find whales with. Imen can go search for a fit whale.'
And so ran Count Rash out of the room, woofbarking in anticipation as Lord
Zpirux rose from the bath, mumbling to himself about Rash's yet another reinc.

As the sun was going down beyond the horizon, most of the guests had arrived,
chatting and drinking at the Gehenna Central Square as the sheep were running
around and Imen the errand boy was warming up the sauna. Count Rash had yet to
arrive, as he was regaining exp in slow mode. Whiner of Riverfall threw up in
the fountain of the Central Square. As the fountain is normally filled with
blood, Kovi was very interested in this mix of vomit and blood, examining it
as his cousin Melolga was laughing out loud at him. Whiner was already so
drunk he could only mutter '...vitun nubut.'

As expected, Rash was the last to arrive, but finally the transsexual weregoat
at the citygates informed the crowd upon his arrival. He seemed overly excited
as he explained the people about his goal of becoming a member of the psionic
council and how fun being a psionicist is. His speech was cut short as Zpirux
thrust a beer in his hand and said 'Right, Psionic Council... you'll be a
conjumage in less than three days.' Just as an argument was about to begin,
Imen the errand boy ran to the Central Square and said the sauna is warm. 'To
the sauna!' yelled Zpirux, as Imen the errand boy went off to clean the

After drinking a few beers in sauna, people went swimming.. the sauna is right
by the sea after all. Xazr's mouth was wide open as he froze by the shore,
staring to the direction of the harbor. 'Xazr?' asked Zpirux, 'She is the
Perkele, She is docked in here.' When Xazr started swimming towards the
harbor, Zpirux realized it wasn't the ship Xazr was staring at... but a huge
adult whale swimming next to the ship. Zpirux knew he couldn't make Xazr stay
any longer and let him ride away with the whale without even trying to stop

After sauna we gathered back at the Central Square and Zpirux told Imen the
errand boy to go wash himself in the sea, as Imen was stinking pretty bad
after cleaning the stable where an elephant, a bear and a rhinoceros were
living. The drinking continued all the way to the morning, when it was time
for people to head to their own cities. However, there was no one to summon
them out of Gehenna at this time of the morning and no one wanted to pay the
portal fee of 1000 gold coins. Someone suggested an afterparty at Zpirux's
chambers but he wasn't really interested in the idea as he had left all the
ladies Rash asked her to get, in his own chamber for his own purposes. After a
little persuasion however, the crowd was moving through Gehenna, past the
inner gates, down into the pit and into the chambers of Zpirux.

Zpirux was prepared for a lot of explaining when Kovi opened the door to the
altar room and found the ladies, 'What, and only sheep for us?!'. However, no
explanation was needed as the guests charged toward the altar room, led by


What happened in the altar room will not be told in this tale. BatSmut
interviewed Zpirux in the Shadowkeep Prison afterwards but the interview is
yet to be released. You may try to get your hands on that issue.


After smoking cigarettes with Rash and the rest of his remaining beer, Zpirux
started to feel sleepy. The last thing he noted was Rash drinking beer with
Anne Kjerpele of Kakot and a lot of passed out people all over the altar room
and the bloodfalls.

Now, lying in the bath, wondering was Rash doing komd this early, he heard the
sound of someone blowing a horn outside of his door. He didn't make it out of
the bath before Rash came in with a bag full of Shadowkeepian beer announcing,
'Say hello to the newest bard of the realms!'.