Torment at every turn
even as the pages are filled with the words heard before
the meaning stays a mystery
and only the laughter from beyond my mind echoes
in these lonely corridors leading down
where the black lotus blooms
and the warped time keeps sinking the spell
always further away from my blackening hands
with fingernails growing ever longer
and the ravening beast only vaguely reminds me
of the sparkling knight I once knew
and whom the bearded sailor always reminds me of
and the adventures that were never made true
keep burning behind the charcoal eyes
covered in sperm and pus and self-made injury
the bleeding never stops
for the heart is a vampire
drawing evermore misery from all around
working with the mocking mouth
the hateful words, always coming back, rebounding to bring the truth
of days full failure, years full silence
and nowadays I never say, 'I am beautiful and proud'.