Missed the last couple of days due to long work days.  Backing up everyone on
vacation this week is driving me nutty here at work.  Been sort of a blue day
for me today.  Tired from the work, stressed out about the upcoming customer
support trip down in St. Louis on July 11, 12, and bummed out about something
that happened last night, which I'll get into in a minute.  Oh heck, might as
well jump in to what is on my mind.  Last night, I was a spectator for a
friend's soccer game, did I mention this was a female friend, did I mention
that she's not married?  Anyways, this is one of those gals that I've been on
and off seeing if there is any potential for dating with over the past few
months.  So after her game was over, we chat for a few minutes, and then as we
are about to head our separate ways, she offers for me to come over and walk
her dogs.

Now, here's what went through my mind.  During the conversation, she mentioned
her plans to go riding with a friend of mine (motorbike) over this coming
weekend.  In the past, her and my friend have done the dog walking thing as
well.  So I'm in this weird situation, I think she wants me to be one of her
good friendss rather making a push for anything more.   I guess I'm just not
used to a female that wants to do date-like stuff without wanting to get into
a relationship.  From last week, she was offering to prop bet me that if I
lost, I would cook a meal for her and her girlfriend.    So what do I do?  I
want to get into a relationship with someone at the moment, and she offers a
platonic version of it.    Don't get me wrong, I enjoy being around her and
all, but I'm just not sure it is good for me to be around her too much right
now.  

But to get back to the story, I turned down her offer, and I feel kindof bad
about it.  She looked kindof hurt as I drove off.  So, yeah, that's what's I
have been allowing to drag me down today.  Although, after bloggin' about it
tonight, I feel like I'm getting it mostly out of my system.  I'd feel a whole
lot better if I had some other prospect to chase, then this wouldn't be such
an issue.  But right now, that nagging, worrying voice reminds me of how
little success I've had in the relationship department.  And being the
introspective type, I tend to internalize and analyze stuff far too much.  If
only I could get in her head or have the courage to ask straight up if 
 she's really interested in me as a friend or other.  I guess I enjoy
torturing myself rather than feel the burn of rejection, again.

On the good news side of life, I'm hovering just at or below 177 at the
moment.  I've gotten a few more inquires/statements that I am lookin'
thinner/wasting away.  At this point now, I just want to hurry up and get rid
of the love handles and paunch around the belly button, I don't care what I
happen to weigh when I get there.  Let me clarify, there is no magic weight
number that I'm trying to get down to, like in wrestling, I just want to get
my body to a certain shape/look.  I also want this weight loss to end soon so
I can go to a maintenance lifestyle.  That way, I get to cheat a bit more and
exercise a bit less.  Nights like tonight are hard for me to go to the gym. 
The funny thing is though, once I'm there, it isn't so bad.  Just that
sometimes I'd rather be home early instead of spending another 90 min. after
work at the gym.  Thank goodness the PS2 is still out of commission, or that
would make this decision even harder.  And if I had a PC and internet access
at home for some Bat time, yikes!

Man, I really, really want to scratch this Bat itch I have.  If I were to
reinc., I could romp with nightlife+ and make a killing.  It would be like the
old days with Ewige.    Not sure if I would go back to being a blaster, do a
civ tank reinc., or do a good relig. reinc.  Ah well, I'll stick out this
merchie reinc until a PC tumbles into my lap for use at home.  Ah well, enough
rambling for an evening.  Tonight's blog entry brought to you by "Bizarre Love
Triangle" New Order.