What's batmud to me?  Batmud is my social circle.  How sad is that?  On batmud
I have anonymous friends, people whom I can talk with where nothing is
expected.  I can be as open or closed as I my mood warrants.  Mudfriends are
distant enough that they don't expect or demand anything from me.  And that is
reciprocated, I can listen when I want, or ignore.  I expect nothing, and
demand nothing.
It's a good social circle.  I am never lonely playing batmud.  With 150 people
online when I play in the evening discussions happen that I can watch or
participate in, and if nothing holds my interest I can start one.  Sometimes
it's public, sometimes it's party channel, and sometimes it's tells.  All are
good and all cater to different moods.

My problem is also the social aspect.  Because batmud provides such open
communication I can vent/complain/share in the mud, and it's done.  It's out. 
I don't need to express anything else.  And so when I am in a (RL?) social
setting, I have no urge to speak.
I find I have less in common with those that are in my (RL) social circle than
with those I choose to speak with in batmud.  Batmudders are an odd lot, for
sure.  And we can have diverse personalities, but we also seem to have that
common thread that makes us an odd lot.
Perhaps there is something missing in my (RL) circle.  I don't know anyone
outside bat who appreciates Monty Python.  Nobody in my non-bat world
appreciates LOTR.  Nobody in my non-bat world has even heard of Dragonlance.
Is it all fluff?
Hell, I don't need it.  I will stop playing batmud in the evenings and try
reconnecting with my wife.
I've been doing that for 2 weeks, and you know how it's working?
I'm lonely.
My heart aches.
I long for companionship.
And my wife?  She watches Seventh Heaven, and Everwood, and shit-coms and game
shows.  When I talk to her she tells me how long her day was and that she
needs to vegitate in front of the TV.
And so I yearn to go back to Batmud.
It's a rotten cycle I've started.  She got into her rut because I was in a
batmud rut.
When I finally get out of my rut, and look around, all I see is desolation.
Is it enough to build on?  Is it better to tell her and possibly guilt her
into spending time with me or should I give her the space and have her
experience the lonliness I feel?

Where is the excitement and happiness we had 10 years ago?  On what level did
we connect then?  Can we get it back?  Does she even want it back?
I pushed her away.  All my years of having a social circle in batmud have
alienated her.  I need to go to her now.
I need to watch seventh heaven, and everwood, and shit coms, and game shows.
Maybe then we'll have something to discuss.  Maybe then we can connect.  Maybe
then I'll get laid.
For now, I remain scared, lonely, and horny.