I'm hurting, kindof bad at the moment.  It's....empathy for my close friend
Daryl.  For now, I'm going to talk about all of the good stuff that has
happened to me the last time since my update.  Work was so-so, still making
progress to a release by the end of the month.  The previous Saturday, Dad and
I went over and helped our friend Dave move his tools and equipment from his
house garage to his new shop.  Things went quickly, as plenty of friends and
family showed up with trucks and trailers.  By noon, we had the majority of
his items piled up on the floor in his new shop.  Sunday morning, I went black
and red raspberry picking, as it was approaching the end of the season.  I
quit by lunch time, as the temps were picking up and it was getting warm out. 
In the afternoon, I stained the upper deck to get that job done for the year
(or 2).  Another work week, more progress made.

I was able to arrange for a blind date lunch on Thursday.  I could tell I was
in trouble the moment we met at the restaurant.  She had already made up her
mind and it wasn't favorable.  While cordial, she wasn't energetic or
forthcoming.  It felt like an interview instead of a conversation.  Second bad
sign, when asked about separate checks by the waitress after taking our
orders, she immediately said "two checks please".  Third and final sign, she
immediately grabbed cash from her purse to take off and then tells me she
needed to get back to work.  A follow-up e-mail from her confirmed my
suspicions.  Tis ok though, she looked good on paper, but from what I could
tell, not much of a personality (or had hidden it) and wasn't very good
looking.

Then this weekend, folks and I went fishing down on the Mississippi again. 
Beautiful day, but fishing was poor.  Mostly small blue gill, only 2 bass, and
a couple of sheephead.  I ended up buying lunch due to landing the smallish
fish.  We ate lunch in a little shelter upriver from the damn.  As Dad
commented, a wonderful day, and we were the only ones in the park.  A shame
and a waste.  Saturday night, folks and I went to the Delaware County truck
and tractor pull.  I was disappointed, only 4 classes of tractors, and only 6
in each class at most.  First 2 classes took an hour to run through.  Just
slow paced, and I wasn't so interested in the trucks pulling.  We even left
early , well, Mom and I made Dad leave early because we were both tired and a
bit bored.  Sunday morning, we went to the polka mass in Farley.  Much better
band this time around, and another lovely day for an outdoor mass under a
tent.  Much cooler and a light breeze than last year.  Afterwards, we went to
my brother's house to watch the parade.  My brother's girlfriend's son was
getting tons of candy thrown to him again this year.  The parade was the
normal small business floats, tractors, and rolling displays.  No Shriners
though, only one high school band, so I'm guessing there is another parade
this weekend someplace.

And we got home around two pm to see two messages waiting on the answering
machine.  A pair of calls, trying to reach me, and you could feel the edge in
the caller's voices.  Get ahold of Chris they said.  Mom and I thought the
same way, Chris's boy final succumbed to his MS.  I called my friend Pete who
left the second message.  He would be much more calm than Chris I reasoned.   
Turns out, I was very wrong.  Pete broke the news, bless his heart.  My friend
Daryl was riding to Des Moines to Adventureland with his family, his wife Lisa
driving.  For some reason, she lost control and went into the ditch.  Daryl
and the kids were thrown from what I can gather.  Daryl and his oldest
daughter are ok, and have already been released from the hospital.  Lisa isn't
doing so well, she was flown to Des Moines and put into intensive care.  So
far there is no spinal trauma or brain damage, but I don't know how bad the
internal injuries are.  And with a deep breath and watering eyes, I must state
that Daryl lost his son, Aaron, and aa friend of his daughter's that was along
on the trip.  

It just hurts me so much to even type that out.  I keep crying little tears
when my mind drifts to it.  I couldn't even stop my voice from cracking as I
told my sister about the accident an hour ago.    It reminds me so much of the
time when Brett died in his car accident.  I can't help but wonder how much
grief I'm feeling is associated with that time as well as this?  I'm sure in
the coming days I am going to have much introspection into this.  Expect a
much sadden Roger.  Funny though, I am quite able to lie and say "fine" to the
generic question as to how you are doing by the random person.  Got a test of
this by the guard as I came in to work to blog this out.  

It is weird, if I can not think about Daryl's loss, I'm sort of fine.  But
even in my introspection, I rage from tears to anger and numbness.  I only
hope I can get through the next few days at work without saying something
totally stupid and the blasting off half-cocked.  Right now I keep imaging
myself going off when pressed to travel down to St. Louis to hand hold a bunch
of fucking whiners that our piece of wuss-ass program manager won't grow a
pair to tell them to get stuffed and fuck off.  Yes, they want me to fly down
and figure out some problem for them.  And as you can tell, that is just the
sort of thing I need to try to keep a lid on as best as possible.  Please,
pray for my friend Daryl, and his family, and for his friends, we all could
use it right now.  Tonight's blog entry brought to you by ""If Everyone Cared"
by Nickelback.