Well...this song in my head thing is really helping my social network outside
the home.  I had breakfast with a new group of people today.  We've recently
moved offices at work, and these are the people I am sitting near. 
Conversation flowed easily enough both to me and from me.  Because of recent
changes in the workplace, I will be working with these people in the near
future.   I like this.  It's a new start with new people (even though I've
seen them around for years).  A clean slate, so to speak.  They don't know the
quiet, unapproachable Tarquin, just the contented easy-going guy.  It's still
fake, but phony happiness is easier to take than real lonliness.  I just hope
I can keep up the charade.

Inside the home is a different story.  My children still love me, and love
being around me.  Wether they want to play games or sit on my lap to watch
cartoons I cherish the moments when I can.  But...there is a dark side.  When
they fight and bicker amongst themselves I cannot appear to be the happy Dad
guy, I have to be the disciplinarian.  This ends my approachability.  Who
wants to play with a person who jut yelled at them?  They are fickle, and I
know that discipline is as much a part of my role as play.  And I accept my
role, in good times and in bad.

I am still very lonely.  The wife will sit in a chair and watch TV all
evening, her choice of shows, while I can sit on the couch and watch, or
bugger off.  I am irrelevant to her.  It's been 11 days since getting laid. 
Funny thing happens to me after 10 days, the drive plummets.  Another funny
thing happens to her after 10 days, her drive rises.  Tonight she'll go out. 
Maybe I'll mud, maybe I'll cry myself to sleep.  Either way, I won't be happy.