Dear Fast Food Workers of America...
Your job sucks.
This is coming from somebody with 3 years of McHell under his belt...two years
as crew and one as management(fast-track to salary!), and another year of
managing a Dominos.

So I repeat, your job sucks...hard.

Youre under-payed, over-worked,and under-appreciated.  Only your grandmother
is remotely impressed that you have a job slinging burgers.
Lets not forget the customers, the single worst thing about your minimum wage
hellhole.

Theyre loud, stupid, rude, and have children that are even worse. They let
their kids become destructive tornados, little tazmanian devils that sling
ketchup and barbeque sauce. Customers piss all over the bathroom(men), or
leave shreds of toilet paper and tampon bits all over the place(women), and
BOTH sexes are guilty of plugging the toilets with their massive turds.
They lack compassion and understanding. Theyre the assholes that make what
would otherwise be a mildly annoying job into a migraine.
I could go on and on with pages of horrible customer stories, but were not
here to talk about them. No child, were here to talk about you. You, who gets
paid to eat shit and like it, are failing miserably, and its going to come
back to haunt you.

It all comes down to a couple of really simple principals. Youre grandpa,
maybe even your dad will understand what Im talking about here. Taking pride
in your work is one, and DOING WHAT YOURE PAID TO FUCKING DO is the other.

Taking pride in your work is a tough one.  The key isnt to try to take pride
in your position or your place of employment, because as weve already
discussed, your job sucks. Its about taking pride in the fact that regardless
of the situation, that you do solid work. That you can be depended on. Its
thinking Damn Im good! after you work through the rush. Thats pride in your
ability to work, and it makes shit jobs much easier to tolerate. Learn it now,
and it will stick with you through the years.

That brings you to the second point, DOING WHAT YOURE PAID TO FUCKING DO. This
is the easiest way to justify doing whats required of you, because its simple
and layed out for you at your hiring. This company is giving you their money
to do this job, and this job has procedures and check-lists for anything that
you do, all covered at orientation and training. If you dont like the
procedure...fuck off and find a different job.
And whats the biggest thing these companies preach?  Customer service. Because
no customers equals no money and no job for you.
I eat a lot of fast food, and I can honestly say that customer service has
taken a nose-dive into Shitville. The few times Ive gone into a fast-food
joint lately and recieved decent customer service was like finding a $20 bill
in my jacket pocket at the start of winter. It made my day.
So heres a tutorial, a guide from a guy with experience, on how things are
actually supposed to be in your store, because youre a teenage punk and noones
set you straight yet.

Appearance:
You have a uniform. Keep it clean and unwrinkled. Keep your goddamn hat on
straight, your goddamn pants belted up and on your hips(not halfway down your
ass), and your goddamn shirt tucked in.  If you want to express yourself
through fashion, do it on your own time fuckhead.

Order Takers:

You guys are the first thing that greet us when we walk in or drive-thru. You
have the thrill of dealing face-to-face with the worst humanity has to offer
you. You also get the thrill of listening to complaints and passing them up to
you manager. Girls, youre oggled and hit on by men of all ages, and its a
little creepy. Boys, you will eventually get to take some douches order from
school, where they will beg you for free shit and mock you later for it. And
you also get hit on by men of all ages and its really creepy.

When you take an order, a little nice in your voice is all thats needed. To be
honest, an over-the-top greeting and prozac smile creep me out a bit, but they
sure as hell beat an annoyed Whatchoo want? and a bored face. Speak clearly
and dont use slang.  Using slang is like hitting yourself in the head with a
hammer...the more you do it, the more retarded you become. 

If someone pulls into the drive-thru and you cant immediately take their
order, tell them politely to hold-on. I dont like wondering if i tripped the
bell, or if the speaker works.

Dont ask me for my order unless youre fully prepared to take my goddamn order,
because I HATE repeating myself for no good reason. This if for you drive-thru
assholes. If you cant give change and take an order at the same time, then
stop fucking trying. You cant multi-task. Theres no shame in working inside
your limitations.
Do you want to know what I (and most of your customers) think when theres a 30
second pause after we tell you our order and were then asked "What did you
want?" again?
We think "Gee, it sure is nice that they hire the mentally handicapped to help
out around the store, but is the drive-thru the best spot for a retard?"

Repeat my order back to me. Hey, I understand that your headset is shitty and
I still have my hangover voice on, so by all means, verify that you were able
to translate my croakings into something intelligible. Its the first step in
ensuring that my order is correct.  Itll make me happy(which falls under DOING
WHAT YOURE PAID TO FUCKING DO), and it takes you out of the responsibility
loop if my order gets messed up down the line.