Dear Fast Food Workers of America part 2
Food Preparers:

You have the shittiest of all the positions. You work around a 375 degree
grills and 500 degree oil vats, so youre at constant risk of burning your
tender, acne-riddled flesh. You stink from sweat and grease-fumes, and youre
legally required to put an oil trap in your shower to uphold Clean-Water
statutes. When things are slow..you sweep and mop and wash dishes. When things
are busy, frantic managers insert themselves randomly in your make-line and
fuck your system up.

You have the least chance of getting laid.

Yours is the easiest to fix. Dont overstock the meat-bin when its slow, dont
pull meat early when its busy, dont let shit burn in the fryers. Keep the
areas the customer can see clean(ish). Salt the fries and keep them fresh.
Nobody, NOBODY likes cold, unsalted fries. Mark the damn special orders, noone
likes digging through 4 cheeseburgers trying to find the one that doesnt have
mustard.

Would you pay $6 for a sloppy, ketchup smeared quarter pounder meal with
unmelted cheese because the meats gone rubbery, dry, and cold, and fries that
are stale and cold? Six bucks is about an hours worth of your labor. Think
about it, does that seem balanced? An hours worth of work in the kitchen for a
shitty meal?
Lastly, PAY ATTENTION TO THE ORDERS. Because if the order takers have done
their job, then YOU  are now the next in the chain in ensuring people get what
they pay for.

Expiditers(food hander-outers):

Youre the last in line. If theres been a wait due to an unexpected rush or
being short-handed, you recieve the brunt of the customers frustration.
Customers will change their mind about drinks after youve already made them,
then spill them trying to get them into their car and ask for a replacement.
Theyll decide to add an ice cream cone to their order after theyve already
payed. Theyll drive off  with only half their order even after you told them
to hang on while I get your fries, and think that YOURE the retard when they
get halfway home and have to turn around.

At some point, in the drive-thru, a creepy old guy will arrive, sans pants or
skivvies. His junk will be fully exposed, and hell expect service.

Just like the order taker, repeat the order back before you hand things out.
Look in the bags when you do it, not the receipt, to ensure 100% accuracy. If
its anything that requires sauce..offer sauce. Ask if they want ketchup, dont
just assume. I hate ketchup, and I hate waste.
Before you hand out a drink, put a straw in your hand. Then, with the same
hand holding the straw, grab the drink and offer them both to the customer.
This way, you NEVER FORGET THE STRAW. Jumping Jesus, I hate getting halfway
down the road and realizing theres no goddamn straw in my bag. When that
happens, Im left with two choices...go back, go inside, and get a straw
myself, or empty out half the drink so i can take the lid off without fear of
the soda slopping everywhere as I bounce down the road.
For gods sake, put a decent amount of napkins in the bag. One napkin per value
meal is a direct insult to my person.

Managers:

Oh, I could go on and on about your hardships. Ill stick to the basic ones
tho.
Getting a pack of disrespectful, hyperactive teenagers to do your bidding is
like herding cats, and the waste%, labor% numbers that your corporation came
up with as goal numbers works out about like communism...the system looks
great on paper, but once the human element is added, it gets ten kinds of
fucked-up.

Managers, you are your own worst enemy. You hire douche-bags. Look, during the
application and interviewing stage of hiring someone, I can understand a stray
shit-heel or two sliding in under the radar. Youre human, and mistakes happen.
But once they start working for you, and they start fucking up orders and
untucking their shirts and answering their cell phones during the rush, you
have two options. 1)Bludgeon them into submission to the policies they agreed
to uphold or 2) T E R M I N A T E.
If a kid had potential, but lacked discipline, Id try to bludgeon them. If
they should be a candidate for a post-birth abortion, Id start the termination
process.(write-ups, suspensions, then YOURE FIRED!!!)
You cant have good employees if youre roster is full of retards.
Worse case scenario is you get shorthanded after your termination spree...but
youve got competent employees getting orders right, serving up quality food,
and even though its taking longer to get the orders out, the order takers and
expediters are kindly explaining that they are sorry but that there will be a
bit of a wait. If people know, before they place their order, that things
might take a little longer than usual, theyre not nearly as likely to get
pissed and complain.

Its simple kids. If you cant take pride in your work or dont want to do WHAT
YOURE PAID TO FUCKING DO, then find a new job.
Its not my fault you have a shitty job. Dont take it out on me. I just want a
goddamn hamburger.

th