Whee Nightshift again. Been busy the last 4 days being a tourist in Germany.
Tyril arrived on Wednesday.. I have to admit I was a bit nervous.. I have had
so many great hosts on all my journeys that I hope I'm not being a pain in the
neck with all my attempts to be a good hosts. Well anyway I'm enjoying his
company very much and since I know the way I tick I already know that I'll be
rather sad once he will leave on Monday. we have been to a couple of place
which I usually never would visit like old castles etc. etc. but then again
it's been quite fun to go there. Even my parents have happily embraced him and
he prolly could start as their adopted son whenever he would like. Sucked that
I had this nightshift while he is here but if I would have given it away I
might have lost quite some money as this is the best shift I can possibly
work. Nightshifts from Sat-Sun don't only give night bonus but also the sunday
bonus.. I think... or hope ... or figure ... or whatever.  Still I am not
feeling tooooo good... ever since I got to finland for my last visit my mind
has been on the verge of kicking me into one of my darker stages again and I
am still fighting against it. Momentarily this visit of a friend is keeping it
away as I simply don't have the time to think much but then again it IS giving
me thinks to think about as well... Luckily (?) I will have a whole shitload
of shifts after Nate (Tyril) has left so maybe that will keep me busy again..
though I fear it might only postpone the inevitable. Smirk, still or again
pondering why I am writing all this shit here...  Blah, go figure for
yourself. Should work on my area again.. I really would like to have VOTK
(Valley of the Kings) in the game asap.  Humdidum.. usually I AM quite fond of
nightshifts.. this time it just bare sucks cause I know that I could spent
quality time with a friend whome I prolly won't see again that soon. That's
the sucky point of having friends across the world... in the end u have to
battle for keeping a friendship alife and not allowing it to fall into being
'just' an acquaintance. I do have so many finnish friends and a handfull in
the USA but still.. whenever I see them, I see them as a visitor and not as a
friend. It's just not that I could hop over for a beer or a coffee and that
fact sometimes threatens to rip me apart. I guess it is one of my biggest
fears to lose those I care for. *mutter* now I'm getting sentimental again. 
Dropped on place 14 of the friendship plaque again .. lol fitting.. I'm
writing about losing friends and end up losing some - if only in the virtual
reality of BatMud. Blah, on days like these I wish I could just turn my head
off and be a happy happy joy joy robot.. but then again that's not what life
is about after all.  So what IS life about then... suffering and the hope to
be happy afterwards. Damned I envy people like Tyril for their optimism.. I
often wish I could be so optimistic.. and yet again.. would it really be me if
I would adopt totally different behaviorisms? Prolly not.. but would that be
such a bad thing? Gnnnnnnn to much pondering = not good. If I wouldn't be
working I prolly would simply get drunk... which indeed isn't a solution
either... Wondering when to get sleep before going out for touristing with
Tyril in a few hours again. Well well well, who needs sleep anyway ... (Yes I
do, but ....) His visit also painfully reminded me on how rusty my english is
nowadays.. seems I'm making mistakes all the time and, though I didn't ask him
yet, I fear my German heritage is undeniable when speaking English. 4:41 am...
the airport is slowly waking up again .. or then it never really slept. First
co-worker arrived for the 5 am shift well at least means that I prolly will
not have to go for more things to do till I'll be off in a bit more than 1
hour. Blah why can't I simply be happy with what I got.....