For the fucks sake, I am all shivering and stressed because of the belt
graduation (today 17.00). Someone once said to me (I am not sure if someone
actually did... If not, then it is all mine!) that when you seriously do
something, luck is always a factor. By training hard, you can make the factor
of luck smaller. That is so fucking true. Well my luck factor is by rough
estimate now something like 30%. If everything goes catastrophically wrong, I
will not get the stinking belt. If everything goes normally or above it, I
will easily get it. 

Last night I saw quite a normal dream. I followed some girls (heard their
voice) through a narrow stairway and then finally through a hole or a tunnel.
Then I got stuck on the 'door' in the end of the tunnel and a another girl
helped me out. Then we went to sit on the couch with her and she had two quite
big dogs. She had round face (i don't know who she remained me of, atleast
nobody I can name now) and it turned out that she was the girl who introduces
herself in the usenet as 'prosessi'. She told me she had been lying about the
goats and the tamed crow (or whatnot) and she only had these two nice dogs.
She was terribly lonely too. I don't remember what else happened, or what else
we talked about. 

YEsterday I had to watch a bit of the new show called "Idols" and it was so
horrible. I think I am too emotional to see people treated like that. In that
show, people are trying to get a pop-music contract and the winner will become
star-artist or something like that. There are of course bad singers and people
that get REALLY nervous among the contestants. The judge listens to them and
says "Enough, that was horrible. You almost made to the worst-today
position!". Well I mean, it could be could so that bad singers would stop
dreaming about it but... I couldn't do that. I am too empathic. Fuck, now I am
almost crying and I would need to be getting into killer spirit. I need to
transform myself into a cruel killing machine. Stop purring, get your nails
out, slash and KILL!